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Let's Play Umineko no Naku Koro ni - Episode 2 Chapter 1
Episode 2 Chapter 1 – Furniture Furniture Furniture Furniture
Shannon reflects. It was a couple of years before the 1986 family conference, on a random business visit by Eva's family...
All the humans are fawning over how awesome and intelligent and hard-working and honest George is, as usual. It stands to reason some furniture would start getting really impressed with him. This process also, as usual, entails Natsuhi and Krauss criticizing Jessica.
DOOF
That technically counted as something not being perfect with company (Eva) around, so Natsuhi starts getting irritated.
Fuck Shannon's life.
George deliberately helps her save face and calm down, though. SWOON?
Yep, SWOON.
Jessica and Shannon are liekbffs, so Jessica is of course morally obligated to give her shit over her mushy shenanigans.
Three two one—
I guess a couple years ago Kinzo actually could bring himself to occasionally look at his children.
It's all the better to let them know they're useless, of course.
I'm with you, Jessica, I can't deal with these losers.
Because hey, Shannon was never gonna ask.
Shannon is getting elbowed in the ribs until she starts bleeding internally later, mark my words. For now, Jessica actually suggests George and Shannon go on a date. You know, for practice, since George feels like he's bad at girls. Just for practice.
If Shannon weren't furniture she'd punch you, Jessica.
Oh, hey, it's mom.
She beckons George away. They want to talk to Kinzo about something important involving George.
They're considering an arranged marriage for him. Because it worked out so great for Kinzo and his wife.
Yeah, they're that kind of family. She sends George off ahead and has some parting words with Jessica and Shannon.
Well, that's nice, at least. Eva's not so ba
Well.
That's some important information for you, Shannon. Look at George again, and Eva will slit your fucking throat.
And she'll feel about as bad about it as if she'd broken a leg off a chair.
Natsuhi can tell Shannon has a problem, but she doesn't take it as a reason to go easy on her. Shannon defends herself when she's accused of working slowly by saying she's just trying to be thorough, but Natsuhi doesn't like excuses. That's just talking back.
Natsuhi was such a brosisauntthing last time, wasn't she? The thing about being a good person in Umineko is that it's all relative. On a day-to-day basis, to the servants, she's a goddamn tyrant.
But seriously. Fuck Shannon's life.
Runon is the servant compared to whom Shannon seems to be working too slowly. But it only seems that way because she artfully half-asses everything.
So, yeah, being furniture is kind of bullshit.
But even with that limitation placed on her... there's only one person she can think about.
Shannon cleans the reception hall, including the snazzy new portrait of Beatrice. Being a bit superstitious, Shannon likes to show the portrait as much respect as possible and always cleans it thoroughly. Somewhat heretically, she also talks to the witch, inside her head. Confesses her feelings and troubles. Prays, basically.
It helps her get through the day.
Good question. Any ideas, Beatrice?
[SFX: ahaha.wav]
[BGM:Golden Sneer]
…
Sorry, could you repeat all that? Just went in one ear and out the other.
Oh right also what the fuck?
Sup.
So, the “single element” is love, so, uh... the world is... made out of love? Stop talking like a witch/asshole, you asshole/witch.
I think she might be talking about Jesus. I'm legitimately not sure. Shannon is still pretty much speechless by the way.
WOULD YOU FUCKING SAY WORDS THAT MAKE SENSE ALREADY
But hey, whoa, sounds like Shannon's moving up in the world.
...She's listening. Seems like always paying Beatrice her due respect can pay off.
It's not a love potion or anything insidious and date-rapey like that. George already likes Shannon. Beatrice's just offering to set up circumstances so that he actually decides to act on those feelings. Get rid of a few obstacles, get them together at just the right time and place, that kind of thing.
And, of course, she intends to make Shannon fully and truly human.
This sounds so fucking legit. This has got to be the most legit idea anyone has ever proposed to anyone else. Shannon just jumped off a reliability truck and rolled across Up-front Street into a soft pile of trustworthiness laying on the sidewalk.
Huh, that seems oddly like a reference. I don't think anything about spoons came up. Do you guys remember anything like that?
So. Is it about to get Fausty in here?
NOPE
Shannon might be a bit of a moeblob, but she's not a fucking idiot. She just learned that the evil spirits of Rokkenjima's legends are completely and totally real; she's not gonna break the charm that wards them off.
But GEORGE-SAMA, Shannon.
Theoretically speaking, her life would undergo a 10000000000% reduction in sucktitude if the deal is on the up-and-up...
It's a pretty classic case of temptation. Do what the witch wants, and you live happily ever after. Don't... and you keep being furniture.
And if she's ever going to do it...if she's ever going to be with George...
She's going to have to do it before he can marry some rich chick per mom's orders.
Mindgames. Typical witch shenanigans.
Suddenly! Get the fuck away from his sister.
[BGM: Fishy Aroma]
If this turns into a full-blown fight, Kanon, I hope you realize you're fucked.
6
Beatrice naturally has no fucks to give.
Oh, hell, you had to get all hot-blooded about it.
But instead of horrible slaughter, perhaps gifts??? She magically forces them to extend their palms, and summons her butterflies.
She bestows upon you both the gift of MAGIC TATTOOS
Oh, bullshit. You're coercing the hell out of her.
Beatrice ollies out in a shower of butterflies.
Shannon reflects. It was a couple of years before the 1986 family conference, on a random business visit by Eva's family...
All the humans are fawning over how awesome and intelligent and hard-working and honest George is, as usual. It stands to reason some furniture would start getting really impressed with him. This process also, as usual, entails Natsuhi and Krauss criticizing Jessica.
DOOF
That technically counted as something not being perfect with company (Eva) around, so Natsuhi starts getting irritated.
Fuck Shannon's life.
George deliberately helps her save face and calm down, though. SWOON?
Yep, SWOON.
Jessica and Shannon are liekbffs, so Jessica is of course morally obligated to give her shit over her mushy shenanigans.
Three two one—
I guess a couple years ago Kinzo actually could bring himself to occasionally look at his children.
It's all the better to let them know they're useless, of course.
I'm with you, Jessica, I can't deal with these losers.
Because hey, Shannon was never gonna ask.
Shannon is getting elbowed in the ribs until she starts bleeding internally later, mark my words. For now, Jessica actually suggests George and Shannon go on a date. You know, for practice, since George feels like he's bad at girls. Just for practice.
If Shannon weren't furniture she'd punch you, Jessica.
Oh, hey, it's mom.
She beckons George away. They want to talk to Kinzo about something important involving George.
They're considering an arranged marriage for him. Because it worked out so great for Kinzo and his wife.
Yeah, they're that kind of family. She sends George off ahead and has some parting words with Jessica and Shannon.
Well, that's nice, at least. Eva's not so ba
Well.
That's some important information for you, Shannon. Look at George again, and Eva will slit your fucking throat.
And she'll feel about as bad about it as if she'd broken a leg off a chair.
Natsuhi can tell Shannon has a problem, but she doesn't take it as a reason to go easy on her. Shannon defends herself when she's accused of working slowly by saying she's just trying to be thorough, but Natsuhi doesn't like excuses. That's just talking back.
Natsuhi was such a brosisauntthing last time, wasn't she? The thing about being a good person in Umineko is that it's all relative. On a day-to-day basis, to the servants, she's a goddamn tyrant.
But seriously. Fuck Shannon's life.
Runon is the servant compared to whom Shannon seems to be working too slowly. But it only seems that way because she artfully half-asses everything.
So, yeah, being furniture is kind of bullshit.
But even with that limitation placed on her... there's only one person she can think about.
Shannon cleans the reception hall, including the snazzy new portrait of Beatrice. Being a bit superstitious, Shannon likes to show the portrait as much respect as possible and always cleans it thoroughly. Somewhat heretically, she also talks to the witch, inside her head. Confesses her feelings and troubles. Prays, basically.
It helps her get through the day.
Good question. Any ideas, Beatrice?
[SFX: ahaha.wav]
[BGM:Golden Sneer]
…
Sorry, could you repeat all that? Just went in one ear and out the other.
Oh right also what the fuck?
Sup.
So, the “single element” is love, so, uh... the world is... made out of love? Stop talking like a witch/asshole, you asshole/witch.
I think she might be talking about Jesus. I'm legitimately not sure. Shannon is still pretty much speechless by the way.
WOULD YOU FUCKING SAY WORDS THAT MAKE SENSE ALREADY
But hey, whoa, sounds like Shannon's moving up in the world.
...She's listening. Seems like always paying Beatrice her due respect can pay off.
It's not a love potion or anything insidious and date-rapey like that. George already likes Shannon. Beatrice's just offering to set up circumstances so that he actually decides to act on those feelings. Get rid of a few obstacles, get them together at just the right time and place, that kind of thing.
And, of course, she intends to make Shannon fully and truly human.
This sounds so fucking legit. This has got to be the most legit idea anyone has ever proposed to anyone else. Shannon just jumped off a reliability truck and rolled across Up-front Street into a soft pile of trustworthiness laying on the sidewalk.
Huh, that seems oddly like a reference. I don't think anything about spoons came up. Do you guys remember anything like that?
So. Is it about to get Fausty in here?
NOPE
Shannon might be a bit of a moeblob, but she's not a fucking idiot. She just learned that the evil spirits of Rokkenjima's legends are completely and totally real; she's not gonna break the charm that wards them off.
But GEORGE-SAMA, Shannon.
Theoretically speaking, her life would undergo a 10000000000% reduction in sucktitude if the deal is on the up-and-up...
It's a pretty classic case of temptation. Do what the witch wants, and you live happily ever after. Don't... and you keep being furniture.
And if she's ever going to do it...if she's ever going to be with George...
She's going to have to do it before he can marry some rich chick per mom's orders.
Mindgames. Typical witch shenanigans.
Suddenly! Get the fuck away from his sister.
[BGM: Fishy Aroma]
If this turns into a full-blown fight, Kanon, I hope you realize you're fucked.
6Beatrice naturally has no fucks to give.
Oh, hell, you had to get all hot-blooded about it.
But instead of horrible slaughter, perhaps gifts??? She magically forces them to extend their palms, and summons her butterflies.
She bestows upon you both the gift of MAGIC TATTOOS
Oh, bullshit. You're coercing the hell out of her.
Beatrice ollies out in a shower of butterflies.