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Let's Play Umineko no Naku Koro ni: Episode 1 Chapter 16
Episode 1 Chapter 16 – The Golden Land
Apparently it's not one of those at all, but sure. Everyone in the study feels guilty and nervous instead of just nervous now.
Too bad there isn't just a simple, Japanese Encyclopedia of Spooky Shit.
Now that they're less panicked, they remember that Maria is a little kid from a somewhat broken home, not a criminal mastermind. She's probably technically an accessory to the murders, but only because she's delivering messages for someone she thinks is a witch. Someone she thinks of as a super awesome mom who doesn't hit her. It's not like Maria is even physically capable of killing an adult without some kind of weapon.
But they can't exactly take it back now.
You know what? Being besieged by a mysterious murderer sucks.
Well, here we go again. At least this time it's very, very simple. Whoever put that letter down knew exactly what would happen. They knew who would look suspicious at the time the letter was discovered.
Natsuhi doesn't think following this thread of logic is going to do anything good for them right now.
They played directly into the culprit's hands. They delivered at least three more people to kill—the number of sacrifices still needed for the epitaph, mind—on a silver platter.
Battler is sympathetic to Natsuhi's priorities, but that doesn't mean he agrees with them. Nobody else is okay with casting out the others to save themselves anymore. At this point, she's outnumbered.
Pretty please with a cherry on top?
Sorry, Jessica, but no. Mom has already lost everything else in her life. If it meant holding onto you, she'd shove Battler and George out the third-story window right now without a second's hesitation.
It's the least she can do now, considering what she's already done.
By the way.
Battler finally strikes spooky shit oil.
Fuck you, Beatrice.
There's no doubt now. They've... they've gotta do something, right? Before Natsuhi can decide, something does it for them.
The phones are on.
This is fishy as all hell. But there's no harm to be done by answering the thing.
…
I already made one “who was phone” joke in this LP, I'm above making a second.
Battler asks for the phone.
So. Someone called them and isn't saying anything, and somewhere in the distance from the other phone, Maria is... singing?
This is too much. They've gotta go check on her. Of course, anyone with half a brain stem would know that's exactly what the culprit wants, but... they can't just ignore it.
Natsuhi gets pissed off, hangs up and tries making a call.
Goddammit.
Yes, the person with the gun should stay behind, that would be much safer!
Hell, Jessica is probably safer staying with the group even if they leave the safe house.
Battler goes out to face the witch with a weapon that fittingly resembles both a torch and a pitchfork.
They're out. Where's our little pop star?
Quickly, to the TV!
There are worse ways to behave in a slasher film situation, one must admit.
George has no idea how hard it would be to get one of those things through bone, why would he possibly know that? He's just scared and his mind is looking to make him more scared. Still, they operate according to the theory that the culprit is carrying around a cannon that fires ritual stakes, which would be both extremely silly and really badass. And also mean Natsuhi's gun isn't a definitive advantage.
Calm down. CALM DOWN. The parlor. What's in the parlor?
Well, Maria indeed, for one. Let's kick the door down.
Or do something way less cool and effective. These guys are so shitty at action rescues.
So they enter with a good old-fashioned combat roll, got it.
GO GO GO
There's no murderer shooting stakes out of a cannon at them in the parlor, which is a relief.
What's less of a relief is the unspeakable carnage.
[BGM: Golden Slaughterer]
The culprit went back to fucking up the victims' faces for whatever reason. And of course...
The Sixth, Seventh, and Eighth Twilights have passed. The witch must be reviving as we speak.
Maria is still here and intact.
What... the fuck...
Did
she do this?
Is she traumatized from witnessing it? She's still just singing, mechanically.
Shut up, Maria!
Who did this, Maria?
OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE
So she didn't want Maria to actually see the murders? Or was it in order to send that phone message? Or both?
Either way, Maria had no problem whatsoever staring away and singing loudly on command while the other three died.
It must be a nineteenth human. It must.
Say. Where the hell is Natsuhi? Maria says she just left after reading a letter. Right, of course there'd be one last letter. So... what...
What...
[BGM: Dead Angle]
You wanted her? Here she is.
The letter was a challenge addressed directly to Natsuhi. If she wants to protect and represent the Ushiromiya family, then Beatrice respectfully grants her the chance to defend that position in a lady's duel.
The kids are out.
There
is
no
such
thing
as
witches.
The Ninth Twilight has passed. The Tenth Twilight is upon us.
And none shall be left alive.
Apparently it's not one of those at all, but sure. Everyone in the study feels guilty and nervous instead of just nervous now.
Too bad there isn't just a simple, Japanese Encyclopedia of Spooky Shit.
Now that they're less panicked, they remember that Maria is a little kid from a somewhat broken home, not a criminal mastermind. She's probably technically an accessory to the murders, but only because she's delivering messages for someone she thinks is a witch. Someone she thinks of as a super awesome mom who doesn't hit her. It's not like Maria is even physically capable of killing an adult without some kind of weapon.
But they can't exactly take it back now.
You know what? Being besieged by a mysterious murderer sucks.
Well, here we go again. At least this time it's very, very simple. Whoever put that letter down knew exactly what would happen. They knew who would look suspicious at the time the letter was discovered.
Natsuhi doesn't think following this thread of logic is going to do anything good for them right now.
They played directly into the culprit's hands. They delivered at least three more people to kill—the number of sacrifices still needed for the epitaph, mind—on a silver platter.
Battler is sympathetic to Natsuhi's priorities, but that doesn't mean he agrees with them. Nobody else is okay with casting out the others to save themselves anymore. At this point, she's outnumbered.
Pretty please with a cherry on top?
Sorry, Jessica, but no. Mom has already lost everything else in her life. If it meant holding onto you, she'd shove Battler and George out the third-story window right now without a second's hesitation.
It's the least she can do now, considering what she's already done.
By the way.
Battler finally strikes spooky shit oil.
Fuck you, Beatrice.
There's no doubt now. They've... they've gotta do something, right? Before Natsuhi can decide, something does it for them.
The phones are on.
This is fishy as all hell. But there's no harm to be done by answering the thing.
…
I already made one “who was phone” joke in this LP, I'm above making a second.
Battler asks for the phone.
So. Someone called them and isn't saying anything, and somewhere in the distance from the other phone, Maria is... singing?
This is too much. They've gotta go check on her. Of course, anyone with half a brain stem would know that's exactly what the culprit wants, but... they can't just ignore it.
Natsuhi gets pissed off, hangs up and tries making a call.
Goddammit.
Yes, the person with the gun should stay behind, that would be much safer!
Hell, Jessica is probably safer staying with the group even if they leave the safe house.
Battler goes out to face the witch with a weapon that fittingly resembles both a torch and a pitchfork.
They're out. Where's our little pop star?
Quickly, to the TV!
There are worse ways to behave in a slasher film situation, one must admit.
George has no idea how hard it would be to get one of those things through bone, why would he possibly know that? He's just scared and his mind is looking to make him more scared. Still, they operate according to the theory that the culprit is carrying around a cannon that fires ritual stakes, which would be both extremely silly and really badass. And also mean Natsuhi's gun isn't a definitive advantage.
Calm down. CALM DOWN. The parlor. What's in the parlor?
Well, Maria indeed, for one. Let's kick the door down.
Or do something way less cool and effective. These guys are so shitty at action rescues.
So they enter with a good old-fashioned combat roll, got it.
GO GO GO
There's no murderer shooting stakes out of a cannon at them in the parlor, which is a relief.
What's less of a relief is the unspeakable carnage.
[BGM: Golden Slaughterer]
The culprit went back to fucking up the victims' faces for whatever reason. And of course...
The Sixth, Seventh, and Eighth Twilights have passed. The witch must be reviving as we speak.
Maria is still here and intact.
What... the fuck...
Did
she do this?
Is she traumatized from witnessing it? She's still just singing, mechanically.
Shut up, Maria!
Who did this, Maria?
OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE
So she didn't want Maria to actually see the murders? Or was it in order to send that phone message? Or both?
Either way, Maria had no problem whatsoever staring away and singing loudly on command while the other three died.
It must be a nineteenth human. It must.
Say. Where the hell is Natsuhi? Maria says she just left after reading a letter. Right, of course there'd be one last letter. So... what...
What...
[BGM: Dead Angle]
You wanted her? Here she is.
The letter was a challenge addressed directly to Natsuhi. If she wants to protect and represent the Ushiromiya family, then Beatrice respectfully grants her the chance to defend that position in a lady's duel.
The kids are out.
There
is
no
such
thing
as
witches.
The Ninth Twilight has passed. The Tenth Twilight is upon us.
And none shall be left alive.
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