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Let's Play Umineko no Naku Koro ni: Episode 1 Chapter 15
Episode 1 Chapter 15 – Discord
The Fifth Twilight has passed.
Jessica had a bit of a thing for Kanon.
Shut. Up. Maria.
Jessica is so fucking done with her.
Hey Maria? Shut up Maria.
Battler's starting to get to the same point as Jessica.
Natsuhi finally persuades Maria to stop gloating about all the atrocities for a few minutes.
It's been proven pretty conclusively that the culprit has one of the mansion's master keys or something equivalent. They need to hole up in a more secure room, one that can't be opened even by a master key.
There are only two keys that open the study door. After retrieving the charred one from Kinzo's pocket, Genji has both of them. There's some resistance to the idea because the study is creepy as shit and really stuffy and it smells like old people and absinthe, but of course not dying takes priority.
It's not perfect, but it's their best chance. Quickly, to Kinzo's mancave! On the way, Battler has another long conversation with Ghost Kyrie.
She once told him chessboard thinking wasn't perfect, and that you can't rely on it too much. Well, too late for that, he's become completely addicted. The problem is that chess theory doesn't hold up too well against chaos theory; human interactions aren't as rigidly logical and unchanging as the rules of chess. All this time Battler's been trying to figure out the culprit by assuming they have a perfectly rational, predictable goal and are trying to get it in a perfectly rational, predictable way. If that's not the case, he's miles off their trail. Hell, chessboard thinking even breaks down when you should have the advantage, since it doesn't account for the enemy making mistakes or the best course of action never occurring to them.
So Battler doesn't actually know anything. At best, any given theory he has is about half of a solid hunch, assuming the killer isn't insane or something, which is a bad thing to assume about killers. This is a massive headache.
Maria has an opinion about the study door.
It's like a less Unbelievably Shitty version of her talismans, in door form.
It's the same principle that maybe saved Natsuhi perhaps. But hey, if the study's secure even if the culprit is magical, then sweet! They go in.
Sure is Hogwarts in here.
But they're safe now. They've got to be. The downside to setting up a fort like this in such a desperate situation is the feeling of being trapped in addition to having to fear and mourn. They're starved and paranoid and despairing, and everybody (but Maria) is at about their maximum capacity for stress.
Kinzo had really wanted to win this game before he died. He might have managed it if not for being prematurely stabbed through the skull and partially cremated.
Oh, awesome, that's exactly what everyone wanted to look at all night. It's an identical copy of the main portrait. Kinzo probably had some wallet-sized ones too.
Oh, hey, yeah, that was a thing.
Well, they found it after the Second Twilight, so of course it's the Third.
So, while we're on about this. Genji, Kumasawa. Real talk. Who the hell was Beatrice, in truth? Battler and Natsuhi press them for answers.
Genji's lips are sealed.
Finally, Natsuhi admits what the answer probably is. She respects Kinzo so much she doesn't want to think he cheated on his wife, but when you get right down to it... he almost definitely did.
Even if the love of Kinzo's life was a human named Beatrice, she can't be the culprit. She's been dead for decades.
...Of course. That's what all this was about, to Kinzo. Reviving her.
His madness was caused by loss. They can all understand him a little better, thinking about it that way.
It's a little hard to even fully blame him for cheating. On what was probably a mutual basis, he and his wife had never even liked each other.
Shut up Maria.
So.
Know how it's really obvious that the murders have been following the epitaph? And how I've overtly called attention to it? They just figured that out in-universe.
Maria thinks they're as dumb as I do.
And they're also just now figuring out why this was premeditated to take place during the conference. With the normal number of servants on staff at any given time, most days of the year there aren't enough sacrifices on Rokkenjima.
There's some yelling about how impossible this explanation is because of how magic totally isn't real.
But they're believing themselves less and less. Battler recalls that the Ninth Twilight includes the pleasant little phrase “and none shall be left alive.”
No big deal, though, says Maria. They all get revived in the end! Yaaaaaaaaay! Unless the culprit is just an insane person who can't really do magic. Then they're all just dead.
By the way, Maria notices something on Kinzo's desk.
A letter just arrived!
From the culprit.
[BGM: system0]
Natsuhi is done. She can't take it anymore. She's flipping the fuck out. She's flipping her shit all the way off the island. Someone in this room is the culprit, or at least an accomplice. There's no other possibility. Someone in this room is responsible for the death of her husband, and Kinzo, and everyone else.
Someone in this room is planning to kill her daughter. And she is not going to fucking deal with it.
“You all” refers to Genji, Kumasawa, Nanjo... and Maria. They were the only ones near the desk just before the letter appeared. Natsuhi and the rest of the cousins were standing over in front of the portrait. One of the other four is Beatrice.
SHUT THE FUCK UP MARIA
That's right. It's got to be them. Everyone was blind to have any doubt this whole time.
WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY FOR YOURSELF, YOU CLICHED MURDERER BUTLER?!?
Ha! Of course not! Fuck you!
And Maria? Fuck that evil little gremlin. She's found this whole fucking tragedy hilarious from the start. They were being too soft, thinking she was too young to be guilty! She's so flagrantly in on it it's insulting!
Maria, auntie will shoot you in the fucking face.
Don't you “voice of reason” us, Battler!
But seriously, he and George suspect the servants, too, but they don't want that gun to go off.
...Okay. She won't pull the trigger if she doesn't have to. But there's no arguing on one point.
This room contains four people who definitely aren't the culprit, and four people who very well might be.
They'll have to leave.
Genji and Nanjo are resigned, Maria doesn't give a shit, and Kumasawa is in tears. After all...
If any of these four are innocent, they are plain and simply guaranteed to die out there.
Natsuhi understands that. She'd give the world not to have to do this. But to protect Jessica, Battler, and George...
Oh, shut up, Maria.
Today, Genji's decades of loyalty... cannot be rewarded.
Battler never lost his Unbelievably Shitty Talisman. He lied just to get the last word in one stupid argument. Sorry, Maria.
With that... four people, the culprit... probably... among them, leave the only safe place on Rokkenjima.
Oh, it's the Triforce. Too bad Maria isn't around to translate the Hebrew anymore. But at least the four of them are safe now.
The Fifth Twilight has passed.
Jessica had a bit of a thing for Kanon.
Shut. Up. Maria.
Jessica is so fucking done with her.
Hey Maria? Shut up Maria.
Battler's starting to get to the same point as Jessica.
Natsuhi finally persuades Maria to stop gloating about all the atrocities for a few minutes.
It's been proven pretty conclusively that the culprit has one of the mansion's master keys or something equivalent. They need to hole up in a more secure room, one that can't be opened even by a master key.
There are only two keys that open the study door. After retrieving the charred one from Kinzo's pocket, Genji has both of them. There's some resistance to the idea because the study is creepy as shit and really stuffy and it smells like old people and absinthe, but of course not dying takes priority.
It's not perfect, but it's their best chance. Quickly, to Kinzo's mancave! On the way, Battler has another long conversation with Ghost Kyrie.
She once told him chessboard thinking wasn't perfect, and that you can't rely on it too much. Well, too late for that, he's become completely addicted. The problem is that chess theory doesn't hold up too well against chaos theory; human interactions aren't as rigidly logical and unchanging as the rules of chess. All this time Battler's been trying to figure out the culprit by assuming they have a perfectly rational, predictable goal and are trying to get it in a perfectly rational, predictable way. If that's not the case, he's miles off their trail. Hell, chessboard thinking even breaks down when you should have the advantage, since it doesn't account for the enemy making mistakes or the best course of action never occurring to them.
So Battler doesn't actually know anything. At best, any given theory he has is about half of a solid hunch, assuming the killer isn't insane or something, which is a bad thing to assume about killers. This is a massive headache.
Maria has an opinion about the study door.
It's like a less Unbelievably Shitty version of her talismans, in door form.
It's the same principle that maybe saved Natsuhi perhaps. But hey, if the study's secure even if the culprit is magical, then sweet! They go in.
Sure is Hogwarts in here.
But they're safe now. They've got to be. The downside to setting up a fort like this in such a desperate situation is the feeling of being trapped in addition to having to fear and mourn. They're starved and paranoid and despairing, and everybody (but Maria) is at about their maximum capacity for stress.
Kinzo had really wanted to win this game before he died. He might have managed it if not for being prematurely stabbed through the skull and partially cremated.
Oh, awesome, that's exactly what everyone wanted to look at all night. It's an identical copy of the main portrait. Kinzo probably had some wallet-sized ones too.
Oh, hey, yeah, that was a thing.
Well, they found it after the Second Twilight, so of course it's the Third.
So, while we're on about this. Genji, Kumasawa. Real talk. Who the hell was Beatrice, in truth? Battler and Natsuhi press them for answers.
Genji's lips are sealed.
Finally, Natsuhi admits what the answer probably is. She respects Kinzo so much she doesn't want to think he cheated on his wife, but when you get right down to it... he almost definitely did.
Even if the love of Kinzo's life was a human named Beatrice, she can't be the culprit. She's been dead for decades.
...Of course. That's what all this was about, to Kinzo. Reviving her.
His madness was caused by loss. They can all understand him a little better, thinking about it that way.
It's a little hard to even fully blame him for cheating. On what was probably a mutual basis, he and his wife had never even liked each other.
Shut up Maria.
So.
Know how it's really obvious that the murders have been following the epitaph? And how I've overtly called attention to it? They just figured that out in-universe.
Maria thinks they're as dumb as I do.
And they're also just now figuring out why this was premeditated to take place during the conference. With the normal number of servants on staff at any given time, most days of the year there aren't enough sacrifices on Rokkenjima.
There's some yelling about how impossible this explanation is because of how magic totally isn't real.
But they're believing themselves less and less. Battler recalls that the Ninth Twilight includes the pleasant little phrase “and none shall be left alive.”
No big deal, though, says Maria. They all get revived in the end! Yaaaaaaaaay! Unless the culprit is just an insane person who can't really do magic. Then they're all just dead.
By the way, Maria notices something on Kinzo's desk.
A letter just arrived!
From the culprit.
[BGM: system0]
Natsuhi is done. She can't take it anymore. She's flipping the fuck out. She's flipping her shit all the way off the island. Someone in this room is the culprit, or at least an accomplice. There's no other possibility. Someone in this room is responsible for the death of her husband, and Kinzo, and everyone else.
Someone in this room is planning to kill her daughter. And she is not going to fucking deal with it.
“You all” refers to Genji, Kumasawa, Nanjo... and Maria. They were the only ones near the desk just before the letter appeared. Natsuhi and the rest of the cousins were standing over in front of the portrait. One of the other four is Beatrice.
SHUT THE FUCK UP MARIA
That's right. It's got to be them. Everyone was blind to have any doubt this whole time.
WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY FOR YOURSELF, YOU CLICHED MURDERER BUTLER?!?
Ha! Of course not! Fuck you!
And Maria? Fuck that evil little gremlin. She's found this whole fucking tragedy hilarious from the start. They were being too soft, thinking she was too young to be guilty! She's so flagrantly in on it it's insulting!
Maria, auntie will shoot you in the fucking face.
Don't you “voice of reason” us, Battler!
But seriously, he and George suspect the servants, too, but they don't want that gun to go off.
...Okay. She won't pull the trigger if she doesn't have to. But there's no arguing on one point.
This room contains four people who definitely aren't the culprit, and four people who very well might be.
They'll have to leave.
Genji and Nanjo are resigned, Maria doesn't give a shit, and Kumasawa is in tears. After all...
If any of these four are innocent, they are plain and simply guaranteed to die out there.
Natsuhi understands that. She'd give the world not to have to do this. But to protect Jessica, Battler, and George...
Oh, shut up, Maria.
Today, Genji's decades of loyalty... cannot be rewarded.
Battler never lost his Unbelievably Shitty Talisman. He lied just to get the last word in one stupid argument. Sorry, Maria.
With that... four people, the culprit... probably... among them, leave the only safe place on Rokkenjima.
Oh, it's the Triforce. Too bad Maria isn't around to translate the Hebrew anymore. But at least the four of them are safe now.