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Let's Play Umineko no Naku Koro ni: Episode 1 Chapter 8
Episode 1 Chapter 8 – Declaration of Killing Intent
This storm is not in any way fucking around. Let's just say it now, definitely, for posterity: as of now, no boat or plane can possibly get to or from Rokkenjima. None of the characters we've met can get off the island, and more importantly, nobody who isn't already on the island somewhere will appear. I mean, I guess they could try if they wanted to die in a shipwreck.
Battler keeps focused on what really matters.
However many channels they had in 1986—one and a half?—and nothing to watch.
Yeah, Maria's probably back in the mansion with Rosa. Definitely probably.
Yeah, going to check on Maria sure would suck in this super-shitty weather. Why, the walk to the mansion alone could give someone a cold! But eventually dinner is served, which is a better reason to go over to the mansion.
Kanon came to get them physically instead of just making a phone call for some weird reason.
Well don't be silly, Kanon, Maria's in the mansion.
Meanwhile, in the mansion...
Rosa's been taking a power nap on the couch in the parlor, an old habit from before she grew up. Genji accidentally wakes her up.
Rosa resumes feeling bad about how she treated Maria out there. Hey, speaking of which. She's in the guesthouse, right?
Well, no. Rosa knows her daughter a little better than the cousins do.
WHOOPS
Back at the guesthouse...
The cousins are catching on too. Really, everybody involved done fucked up.
TO THE RESCUE
The search party, united, scours the rose garden. Visibility sucks in the dark and the rain, so they'll need to spread out. Or not, because Battler immediately runs into something!
Poor thing. At least she had an umbrella. Guess she must keep a little one in her purse.
Crisis resolved. As Kanon and George propose, let's get the fuck back inside and get her cleaned and warmed up. On the way back, Jessica praises Maria for her Boyscoutliness in carrying an umbrella around just in case.
Maria says someone came out and gave it to her.
Somewhere, deep in the forest, a wolf howls while lightning flashes followed by the Castle Thunder sound effect from the original Frankenstein movie.
Rosa decides to try to figure out who it really was, because, come on.
Meanwhile...
Oh goodness Kinzo's refusing to come out of his study what a surprise.
Kinzo's too preoccupied with finishing this chess match while he can. If Beatrice takes him up on his offer, it's a little too much luck to bank on that both he and Nanjo will survive.
You tried, Nanjo. He and Krauss head to dinner and lie about Kinzo not feeling well again.
And again, the family just doesn't really care. He might as well already be buried.
But we're getting sidetracked. WHO WAS UMBRELLA??? We know it wasn't Rosa, Battler, George, Jessica, or Kanon, so that's five.
It wasn't any of the people involved in the economic clusterfuck, which Rosa left early to spare herself—so cross out Krauss, Eva, Hideyoshi, Rudolf, and Kyrie. Ten.
Wasn't Gohda. Eleven.
Nor Shannon or Kumasawa, which makes thirteen.
Natsuhi's out. Fourteen.
So it wasn't Nanjo or—okay hahahahaha let's not pretend we thought there was even a remote possibility it was Kinzo. Sixteen!
So... Genji? No, he didn't know where Maria was when he woke up Rosa. Seventeen people can deny giving Maria the umbrella, and obviously she didn't give it to herself.
There are only eighteen people on the island.
Here it comes.
Rosa is so embarrassed.
While Gohda and the female servants serve dinner...
The servants other than Gohda are actually quite prepared to take the claim that Maria met Beatrice seriously.
Elsewhere: food.
Sad food. Not even Gohda's ambrosia gets the diners in a good mood.
Battler picks up on the vague possibility that maybe something happened between the parents earlier.
Maria's impatient for dinner to be over! Why? Because she's got something she's supposed to do when dinner is finished...
Huh, so we're suddenly in the third person.
That's some of the family's custom-made formal stationery. It bears the same markings as the clothes of all the blood relatives: the family crest, the One-winged Eagle.
It's also got a fancy wax seal which also has the One-winged Eagle distinctly imprinted on it. A special seal that can only be made by pressing the wax with the Head's Ring.
As far as anybody present knows, this must be a letter from Kinzo.
Except for Maria, of course. She knows exactly who the letter is from, and you get three guesses. Kyrie asks.
Despite acknowledging aloud that it'd be far from impossible to create a duplicate of the symbol in order to fake a seal that looked like it was Kinzo, the adults in the room are all individually convinced it's from him. Probably a very troublesome announcement about the inheritance.
So... did Kinzo give her the umbrella after all? Even though he actively hates Maria? She still asserts it was Beatrice, and it's pretty hard to imagine Kinzo passing himself off as the young lady from the portrait.
Everybody shut the hell up, it's time for a dramatic reading.
[BGM: Fishy Aroma]
Goddamn, everybody just keeps interrupting. Let Maria finish.
The theory is raised that maybe someone other than Krauss has control of some of Kinzo's assets, and that this person is Beat--GUYS SERIOUSLY SHE'S TRYING TO READ.
SECONDS LATER
This time, all the siblings basically try to force the study door down like a mob. Kinzo's got some 'splainin' to do!
And yet, shockingly, he's so far removed from the idea of maybe giving a fuck he's like Fuck Fort Knox. He's got those fucks under lock and bloody key, no handouts. He's hoarding fucks for the zombie apocalypse. He's Scrooge McFuck. If a little orphan boy came up to him and asked for more fucks, he'd be like “MORE? FLAY HIM ALIVE! I HAVE NO MORE FUCKS TO GIVE FOR SUCH A FATHERLESS INCOMPETENT! MORE? HAHAHAHAHAHA! CALL FOR GENJI! I'LL HAVE THE WHELP CRUCIFIED UPSIDE-DOWN AND SUBMERSED IN MAGMA! GENJIIIIIII!”
The point is he's somewhat apathetic.
No matter how hard they scream and pound on the door, the siblings don't hear a peep from their father...
This storm is not in any way fucking around. Let's just say it now, definitely, for posterity: as of now, no boat or plane can possibly get to or from Rokkenjima. None of the characters we've met can get off the island, and more importantly, nobody who isn't already on the island somewhere will appear. I mean, I guess they could try if they wanted to die in a shipwreck.
Battler keeps focused on what really matters.
However many channels they had in 1986—one and a half?—and nothing to watch.
Yeah, Maria's probably back in the mansion with Rosa. Definitely probably.
Yeah, going to check on Maria sure would suck in this super-shitty weather. Why, the walk to the mansion alone could give someone a cold! But eventually dinner is served, which is a better reason to go over to the mansion.
Kanon came to get them physically instead of just making a phone call for some weird reason.
Well don't be silly, Kanon, Maria's in the mansion.
Meanwhile, in the mansion...
Rosa's been taking a power nap on the couch in the parlor, an old habit from before she grew up. Genji accidentally wakes her up.
Rosa resumes feeling bad about how she treated Maria out there. Hey, speaking of which. She's in the guesthouse, right?
Well, no. Rosa knows her daughter a little better than the cousins do.
WHOOPS
Back at the guesthouse...
The cousins are catching on too. Really, everybody involved done fucked up.
TO THE RESCUE
The search party, united, scours the rose garden. Visibility sucks in the dark and the rain, so they'll need to spread out. Or not, because Battler immediately runs into something!
Poor thing. At least she had an umbrella. Guess she must keep a little one in her purse.
Crisis resolved. As Kanon and George propose, let's get the fuck back inside and get her cleaned and warmed up. On the way back, Jessica praises Maria for her Boyscoutliness in carrying an umbrella around just in case.
Maria says someone came out and gave it to her.
Somewhere, deep in the forest, a wolf howls while lightning flashes followed by the Castle Thunder sound effect from the original Frankenstein movie.
Rosa decides to try to figure out who it really was, because, come on.
Meanwhile...
Oh goodness Kinzo's refusing to come out of his study what a surprise.
Kinzo's too preoccupied with finishing this chess match while he can. If Beatrice takes him up on his offer, it's a little too much luck to bank on that both he and Nanjo will survive.
You tried, Nanjo. He and Krauss head to dinner and lie about Kinzo not feeling well again.
And again, the family just doesn't really care. He might as well already be buried.
But we're getting sidetracked. WHO WAS UMBRELLA??? We know it wasn't Rosa, Battler, George, Jessica, or Kanon, so that's five.
It wasn't any of the people involved in the economic clusterfuck, which Rosa left early to spare herself—so cross out Krauss, Eva, Hideyoshi, Rudolf, and Kyrie. Ten.
Wasn't Gohda. Eleven.
Nor Shannon or Kumasawa, which makes thirteen.
Natsuhi's out. Fourteen.
So it wasn't Nanjo or—okay hahahahaha let's not pretend we thought there was even a remote possibility it was Kinzo. Sixteen!
So... Genji? No, he didn't know where Maria was when he woke up Rosa. Seventeen people can deny giving Maria the umbrella, and obviously she didn't give it to herself.
There are only eighteen people on the island.
Here it comes.
Rosa is so embarrassed.
While Gohda and the female servants serve dinner...
The servants other than Gohda are actually quite prepared to take the claim that Maria met Beatrice seriously.
Elsewhere: food.
Sad food. Not even Gohda's ambrosia gets the diners in a good mood.
Battler picks up on the vague possibility that maybe something happened between the parents earlier.
Maria's impatient for dinner to be over! Why? Because she's got something she's supposed to do when dinner is finished...
Huh, so we're suddenly in the third person.
That's some of the family's custom-made formal stationery. It bears the same markings as the clothes of all the blood relatives: the family crest, the One-winged Eagle.
It's also got a fancy wax seal which also has the One-winged Eagle distinctly imprinted on it. A special seal that can only be made by pressing the wax with the Head's Ring.
As far as anybody present knows, this must be a letter from Kinzo.
Except for Maria, of course. She knows exactly who the letter is from, and you get three guesses. Kyrie asks.
Despite acknowledging aloud that it'd be far from impossible to create a duplicate of the symbol in order to fake a seal that looked like it was Kinzo, the adults in the room are all individually convinced it's from him. Probably a very troublesome announcement about the inheritance.
So... did Kinzo give her the umbrella after all? Even though he actively hates Maria? She still asserts it was Beatrice, and it's pretty hard to imagine Kinzo passing himself off as the young lady from the portrait.
Everybody shut the hell up, it's time for a dramatic reading.
[BGM: Fishy Aroma]
Goddamn, everybody just keeps interrupting. Let Maria finish.
The theory is raised that maybe someone other than Krauss has control of some of Kinzo's assets, and that this person is Beat--GUYS SERIOUSLY SHE'S TRYING TO READ.
SECONDS LATER
This time, all the siblings basically try to force the study door down like a mob. Kinzo's got some 'splainin' to do!
And yet, shockingly, he's so far removed from the idea of maybe giving a fuck he's like Fuck Fort Knox. He's got those fucks under lock and bloody key, no handouts. He's hoarding fucks for the zombie apocalypse. He's Scrooge McFuck. If a little orphan boy came up to him and asked for more fucks, he'd be like “MORE? FLAY HIM ALIVE! I HAVE NO MORE FUCKS TO GIVE FOR SUCH A FATHERLESS INCOMPETENT! MORE? HAHAHAHAHAHA! CALL FOR GENJI! I'LL HAVE THE WHELP CRUCIFIED UPSIDE-DOWN AND SUBMERSED IN MAGMA! GENJIIIIIII!”
The point is he's somewhat apathetic.
No matter how hard they scream and pound on the door, the siblings don't hear a peep from their father...