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Let's Play Umineko no Naku Koro ni: Episode 1 Chapter 6
Episode 1 Chapter 6 – Fuck Witches, Get Money
Let's rewind time a bit and follow the kids outside. On their way out, they see the portrait again.
Somewhat defensively, Maria directs Battler's attention to a plaque beneath the portrait.
There's a long inscription to go with the painting.
There are a lot of rumors about the Ushiromiya family, many of them not widely actually believed; this is near the top of that list. Some say Kinzo's fortune didn't come only from being a shrewd businessman; that by some mysterious—even magical—means, he acquired a preposterously massive stash of gold and hid it away somewhere. Silly, right? Well, the thing is...
Kinzo started this rumor. He himself has insisted, ever since rebuilding the Ushiromiya family, that he got everything he has from a contract with the witch of Rokkenjima. It's the kind of thing everybody laughs nervously about, pretends to believe, and writes off as the eccentricity of a genius.
Naturally, there's no such thing as a witch, nor could there possibly be a cache of ten tons of magical gold hidden on the island. There's some suspicion that this is actually just a portrait of his first love, or a mistress. Possibly someone who helped him get some initial funding, but certainly not with ten tons of gold.
Still, this epitaph written under the portrait is a product of Kinzo's self-made legend. A long, creepy riddle that supposedly, if solved, points you in the direction of the gold. In the two years it and the painting have been hanging, nobody's been able to figure out what the hell it means.
But damn, if the gold were real, it'd be worth a ludicrous amount of money. It's enough to live comfortably for a hundred lifetimes without any further income. Still, there's no reason to believe any of it.
Record scratch. Battler, Maria would like a word with you
Maria's getting all worked up again. Jessica and George run damage control.
It seems Maria loves stuff like witches and magic; she doesn't just buy into the stories she hears from the adults about Beatrice, she seriously looks up to her. Battler might as well have just started a conversation about how Santa Claus isn't real.
Fortunately, Maria's not hard to appease.
Hey, it's that girl.
Shannon bringing picnic fixings finally reminds everybody that they were supposed to be heading outside, so they actually get going to the beach.
Meanwhile.
The adults coincidentally came around to a similar topic. But whereas the cousins just wondered about the witch and laughed at the thought of believing it, their parents have more practical concerns.
They believe that at the very least, Kinzo's nest egg must be a fuckload of secret gold. And with the task of dividing his assets at hand, whether or not that hoard exists is suddenly a very, very interesting question to them.
To be more accurate, most of them believe that. Krauss insists the whole thing is preposterous. But then, he lives on Rokkenjima and stands to inherit full control of the island. If the gold existed but was legally presumed not to, he'd get the stash all to himself...
It all comes back to the inconsistencies in Krauss's bookkeeping. There's no denying he got a huge amount of money from somewhere and declined to record where. If it wasn't embezzled directly from old dad's bank accounts, then it's got to be that he found the gold and grabbed a little bite out of it. And either way, when Kinzo dies and the inheritance has to actually be officially sorted out, everyone's accountants and lawyers will be all up in Krauss's business.
And here comes their endgame, after all this interrogation.
It's simple: they'll drop the issue, leave the law out of it, and let him get away with whatever funny business he's been up to. For a price.
For extortionists, they're being damned generous. He still gets more than half of the fortune. That's a crazy good deal for someone in a compromised position like Krauss. And I mean, only a tenth of what he's paying them has to be up front? He should take it without hesitation. It's really just an absurdly good deal.
A better deal than he'd ever conceivably get if the others actually held all the cards. Krauss accepts the deal, but something about the way he says it rings a few bells in his siblings' heads. Hideyoshi and Kyrie don't sense anything, but for the others, a chill goes around the room all at once.
As the oldest sibling, Krauss was a goddamn tyrant to every one of them for their entire childhoods. They can never get the upper hand on him, not for long. It's not how siblings work. Throughout this whole meeting they've been a pack of mice who tried ganging up on the cat. And it didn't work.
Right, so, no advance. If all they want really is to ensure they get a fair share of the inheritance, that shouldn't be a huge problem, right? I mean, if he reneges on the deal they can just go back on not investigating him. There's no need for up-front money, right?
Wrong! They really, really need that 10%. It's not optional at all, so just, you know, pay up, bro. Please. Now.
The siblings' whole plan of attack was to make it so that Krauss couldn't afford to say no to them. That's just the basics of having the upper hand in a deal. But that advantage falls apart if you also can't afford for the deal not to go through. They did a lot of digging on Krauss to give the impression that he was the only one in a bad positon.
But he did some research of his own.
Hideyoshi's company, a successful fast food chain he built from the ground up, did go public recently. Normally, that'd be great news. But even though Hideyoshi is, legitimately, a skilled and honest businessman, he's managed to make a few enemies, and seriously underestimate them. People who don't much like Hideyoshi managed to buy a huge amount of stock in his company, rallying other stockholders around them in the process. They're looking to oust him as CEO, even though he's also the founder, and take his baby's huge profit output for themselves. He and Eva have only one way to hold onto everything they built together as husband and supporting wife: buy the majority of the shares as soon as possible.
It's not just Hideyoshi and Eva. How about Rudolf and Kyrie?
Rudolf's company is a little on the shady side. So is Rudolf, no big deal. Trouble is, their latest product apparently infringed a patent held by a gigantic American corporation. His company is being sued into oblivion. As with most corporate cases, it's more advantageous for both sides to just settle out of court; a much smaller payment made right quick in a hurry could get Rudolf and his colleagues right back out of legal trouble.
One left!
Poor Rosa. Her problem isn't even related to her job. She's just getting hit with the full burden of some other asshole's unpaid loan, and she's in no mood to talk about it. But one thing's for sure...
In about two minutes, Krauss demolishes all the posturing his siblings have done throughout the entire conference. Sure, they've got dirt on him, but that doesn't mean they're the only ones with room to negotiate. They absolutely need him to give them the money they're asking for, or every single one of them is independently looking financial ruin in the face.
Kinzo may be famous for rebuilding the Ushiromiya family from scratch, but at this rate his kids will be remembered for their group effort to redestroy it.
He's just gonna sit back and enjoy this for a bit.
Meanwhile, in the study...
Kinzo can rely on most of the servants to spy on his children for him.
Now, he just wonders if they'll solve the epitaph in search of the gold they so desperately need.
Kinzo is crazy. Probably.
Genji's not the only one he's actually semi-nice to. Really, it's just his family he hates.
YET ELSEWHERER
Genji and Nanjo, as Kinzo's besties, kind of resent the... opportunistic disposition of his offpsring, too. They idly discuss the epitaph, since it's what everybody else is on about at the moment.
God, everybody talks about how fucking hard it is, and we haven't even gotten to see it for ourselves yet! Let's take a look.
Let's rewind time a bit and follow the kids outside. On their way out, they see the portrait again.
Somewhat defensively, Maria directs Battler's attention to a plaque beneath the portrait.
There's a long inscription to go with the painting.
There are a lot of rumors about the Ushiromiya family, many of them not widely actually believed; this is near the top of that list. Some say Kinzo's fortune didn't come only from being a shrewd businessman; that by some mysterious—even magical—means, he acquired a preposterously massive stash of gold and hid it away somewhere. Silly, right? Well, the thing is...
Kinzo started this rumor. He himself has insisted, ever since rebuilding the Ushiromiya family, that he got everything he has from a contract with the witch of Rokkenjima. It's the kind of thing everybody laughs nervously about, pretends to believe, and writes off as the eccentricity of a genius.
Naturally, there's no such thing as a witch, nor could there possibly be a cache of ten tons of magical gold hidden on the island. There's some suspicion that this is actually just a portrait of his first love, or a mistress. Possibly someone who helped him get some initial funding, but certainly not with ten tons of gold.
Still, this epitaph written under the portrait is a product of Kinzo's self-made legend. A long, creepy riddle that supposedly, if solved, points you in the direction of the gold. In the two years it and the painting have been hanging, nobody's been able to figure out what the hell it means.
But damn, if the gold were real, it'd be worth a ludicrous amount of money. It's enough to live comfortably for a hundred lifetimes without any further income. Still, there's no reason to believe any of it.
Record scratch. Battler, Maria would like a word with you
Maria's getting all worked up again. Jessica and George run damage control.
It seems Maria loves stuff like witches and magic; she doesn't just buy into the stories she hears from the adults about Beatrice, she seriously looks up to her. Battler might as well have just started a conversation about how Santa Claus isn't real.
Fortunately, Maria's not hard to appease.
Hey, it's that girl.
Shannon bringing picnic fixings finally reminds everybody that they were supposed to be heading outside, so they actually get going to the beach.
Meanwhile.
The adults coincidentally came around to a similar topic. But whereas the cousins just wondered about the witch and laughed at the thought of believing it, their parents have more practical concerns.
They believe that at the very least, Kinzo's nest egg must be a fuckload of secret gold. And with the task of dividing his assets at hand, whether or not that hoard exists is suddenly a very, very interesting question to them.
To be more accurate, most of them believe that. Krauss insists the whole thing is preposterous. But then, he lives on Rokkenjima and stands to inherit full control of the island. If the gold existed but was legally presumed not to, he'd get the stash all to himself...
It all comes back to the inconsistencies in Krauss's bookkeeping. There's no denying he got a huge amount of money from somewhere and declined to record where. If it wasn't embezzled directly from old dad's bank accounts, then it's got to be that he found the gold and grabbed a little bite out of it. And either way, when Kinzo dies and the inheritance has to actually be officially sorted out, everyone's accountants and lawyers will be all up in Krauss's business.
And here comes their endgame, after all this interrogation.
It's simple: they'll drop the issue, leave the law out of it, and let him get away with whatever funny business he's been up to. For a price.
For extortionists, they're being damned generous. He still gets more than half of the fortune. That's a crazy good deal for someone in a compromised position like Krauss. And I mean, only a tenth of what he's paying them has to be up front? He should take it without hesitation. It's really just an absurdly good deal.
A better deal than he'd ever conceivably get if the others actually held all the cards. Krauss accepts the deal, but something about the way he says it rings a few bells in his siblings' heads. Hideyoshi and Kyrie don't sense anything, but for the others, a chill goes around the room all at once.
As the oldest sibling, Krauss was a goddamn tyrant to every one of them for their entire childhoods. They can never get the upper hand on him, not for long. It's not how siblings work. Throughout this whole meeting they've been a pack of mice who tried ganging up on the cat. And it didn't work.
Right, so, no advance. If all they want really is to ensure they get a fair share of the inheritance, that shouldn't be a huge problem, right? I mean, if he reneges on the deal they can just go back on not investigating him. There's no need for up-front money, right?
Wrong! They really, really need that 10%. It's not optional at all, so just, you know, pay up, bro. Please. Now.
The siblings' whole plan of attack was to make it so that Krauss couldn't afford to say no to them. That's just the basics of having the upper hand in a deal. But that advantage falls apart if you also can't afford for the deal not to go through. They did a lot of digging on Krauss to give the impression that he was the only one in a bad positon.
But he did some research of his own.
Hideyoshi's company, a successful fast food chain he built from the ground up, did go public recently. Normally, that'd be great news. But even though Hideyoshi is, legitimately, a skilled and honest businessman, he's managed to make a few enemies, and seriously underestimate them. People who don't much like Hideyoshi managed to buy a huge amount of stock in his company, rallying other stockholders around them in the process. They're looking to oust him as CEO, even though he's also the founder, and take his baby's huge profit output for themselves. He and Eva have only one way to hold onto everything they built together as husband and supporting wife: buy the majority of the shares as soon as possible.
It's not just Hideyoshi and Eva. How about Rudolf and Kyrie?
Rudolf's company is a little on the shady side. So is Rudolf, no big deal. Trouble is, their latest product apparently infringed a patent held by a gigantic American corporation. His company is being sued into oblivion. As with most corporate cases, it's more advantageous for both sides to just settle out of court; a much smaller payment made right quick in a hurry could get Rudolf and his colleagues right back out of legal trouble.
One left!
Poor Rosa. Her problem isn't even related to her job. She's just getting hit with the full burden of some other asshole's unpaid loan, and she's in no mood to talk about it. But one thing's for sure...
In about two minutes, Krauss demolishes all the posturing his siblings have done throughout the entire conference. Sure, they've got dirt on him, but that doesn't mean they're the only ones with room to negotiate. They absolutely need him to give them the money they're asking for, or every single one of them is independently looking financial ruin in the face.
Kinzo may be famous for rebuilding the Ushiromiya family from scratch, but at this rate his kids will be remembered for their group effort to redestroy it.
He's just gonna sit back and enjoy this for a bit.
Meanwhile, in the study...
Kinzo can rely on most of the servants to spy on his children for him.
Now, he just wonders if they'll solve the epitaph in search of the gold they so desperately need.
Kinzo is crazy. Probably.
Genji's not the only one he's actually semi-nice to. Really, it's just his family he hates.
YET ELSEWHERER
Genji and Nanjo, as Kinzo's besties, kind of resent the... opportunistic disposition of his offpsring, too. They idly discuss the epitaph, since it's what everybody else is on about at the moment.
God, everybody talks about how fucking hard it is, and we haven't even gotten to see it for ourselves yet! Let's take a look.