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Let's Play Umineko no Naku Koro ni: Episode 1 Chapter 9
Episode 1 Chapter 9 – Everybody Count the Loser Flags

Since Kinzo's got nothing to say, the adults have decided that their next best source for answers is Maria. Battler sees that they're seriously upsetting her, but there's no getting through to them.

They're all in a frenzy of greed and panic. Jessica and Battler are disgusted at the whole display.


George, on the other hand, having one foot out in the business world himself, is a little more sympathetic to the consequences the parents are looking at if they lose out on the inheritance. Battler already knew Rudolf was an asshole, too, so Jessica takes it the hardest. As much as she likes complaining about her parents due to teenager disease, this is her first time seeing them at their worst; deep down, she'd still looked up to them wholeheartedly before this.

This mature insight doubles as an excuse to get out of this shithole and not have to watch. Maria seems to have escaped already, Jessica says she needs some alone time, and George wants to go turn on a TV and see if the weather people know just how long the typhoon will be in yet, so the cousins are split up for now. Battler decides to just hang out in front of a window in another room and focus all his attention on the storm.



Kyrie's not needed in Hurricane Inheritance Debate right now, so she comes over to keep Battler company. Because the in-laws are the lowest-ranked group and they go in the same order as the age of their spouses, with Rosa's husband not around Kyrie is literally in the lowest position in the entire family. That means that while Natsuhi, as the (not so much anymore) successor's wife, and Hideyoshi, as a dude (Kinzo really sucks about that, though, seriously) can at least participate in the conversation freely, Kyrie's influence is basically microscopic. It's a damned shame, considering she's probably got the best ratio of intelligence to decency out of all the adults.

With this in mind, Battler cuts his brosis some slack. Kyrie gives details on the conversation and, yeah, they're all pretty much losing their shit in fear that this Beatrice character might make off with their inheritance.


Battler suspects that that was the whole point of the letter. But Kyrie is really curious whether or not there could be a Beatrice.

They'll never know now, though, not unless somebody who isn't dumb goes and butters Maria up. The North Wind and the Sun is one of Aesop's fables, if you haven't heard of it. But seriously, she pursues the issue. Battler wonders if Kinzo just entrusted somebody important to him with the letter and let them use the name “Beatrice...”

But that's not the point. It's certain that someone gave Maria that letter and claimed to be Beatrice. The question is, could it have been one of the eighteen people on the island somehow fooling Maria? Or is there a number nineteen hiding somewhere? Without being discovered?



Kyrie requires proof that this nineteenth person exists, but Battler thinks it's the other way around. A Devil's Proof is a philosophical/logical concept: you can prove that devils exist very easily by finding one. But even if you can't find one, you can't prove that they don't exist unless you magically examine every speck of existence simultaneously. Right?


Kyrie likes to think of life like a match of chess. Only a total amateur plays by looking at the current position of the pieces and quickly making a move based on whatever is most advantageous to their side at the moment. You have to turn the whole thing around in your head—look at the board from your opponent's perspective. Understand what move is most advantageous to them, and what move will be most advantageous to them after you make the move that's most advantageous to you, etc. etc. etc. Basically, Kyrie's philosophy is that most people are more predictable than you'd think—you just have to know what they want and what, to their perspective, is the best way to get it. Kyrie always knows how to guess someone's intentions, or what they'll do next, with scary accuracy—she just puts herself in their shoes. But what does this have to do with Beatrice?


Basically, there's no logical reason somebody who wants to remain hidden would appear openly before just one person and leave shaky proof of their existence. What's the point? If this Beatrice were a nineteenth person who had some reason to be secretive and hide away, in just about any scenario they'd have more to gain from leaving the letter somewhere it would be found. Or just mailing it, before the conference. One copy to each sibling. Maybe even have the letter be from Kinzo instead of some witch; they're clearly in cahoots with him, so why bother naming the third party who doesn't want to show their face?



It's the only thing that makes sense with the information they have. The only scenario in which Beatrice's theatrics serve any rational purpose is that she's a persona put on by one of the eighteen so it's easier for them to act anonymously.

So, someone must have been disguised as the Beatrice from the portrait, indeed. Again: probably not Kinzo or Krauss or Rudolf or Gohda or Genji or Nanjo. Just imagine all of those disguises as clearly as possible for a few minutes, it's very important to the reading experience.
ELSEWHILE


So, imagine you're very young and small. Imagine you're having a really terrible day with your mom hitting and screaming at you and you getting rained on and losing something you cared about and everything, when suddenly, you meet your favorite person ever—Santa, Batman, Mr. T, Harry Potter, anybody, and they pull you aside and give you a present. Suddenly everything is beautiful and nothing hurts! Until half an hour later, when you try to tell the story. Nobody believes you, the present gets taken away, and you wind up in the center of a screaming match between all your adult family members. Maria is having the second-worst day of her life.
But back to the parlor.

The point is, if the adults want to find out from Maria who “Beatrice” was, they've already made their bed and set it on fire.

So the task falls to Battler.


While there's a ceasefire, Rudolf tells his immediate family he has something to talk to them about later.

Which is kind of weird, actually! Rudolf doesn't have serious discussions with his loved ones, it's just not a thing.



Naturally, they don't take him literally. He must not have meant it that way, right? Anyway, he excuses himself.

Battler asks Kyrie if she can chessboardthink up an explanation for Rudolf's weirdness in saying he had to talk about something and then running off. Her answer is pretty obvious.


Kyrie makes fun of Rudolf, but being his partner and someone he can rely on is really important to her, so she goes to chase him like he wants, which leaves Battler alone with the wisdom she imparted. She really is kind of a mentor to him.
MEANWHERE

Exhaustion is Natsuhi's default state of being, so on a day this crazy...

If the letter is from Kinzo, which the adults are generally convinced it is, then it makes it explicitly clear that the succession will be decided based on who can solve the riddle of the epitaph. As in, it's not simply Krauss anymore. Their future—Jessica's future—just became fair game.

Natsuhi's strategy throughout the chaos was consistent with her earlier approach: become indignant, deny everything. And, like earlier, Krauss seemed to wish she'd just stay out of it. After the meeting, she confronted him about his attitude all day.



Stop changing the subject, Krauss! You and your wife need to have a serious discussion about how transparently absurd the very IDEA that there is some massive hidden oh my god

There's nothing to compare it to visually, but that isn't one of those standard gold bars you see on TV that are maybe the size of a really early cell phone. That fucking monstrosity is the size of Krauss's arm. Naturally, at that size it's not a formal, legal ingot. It also lacks the requisite markings that specify its value and foundry of origin—it's just barely-molded solid fucking gold, with a very faint imprint of the One-winged Eagle. This is from Kinzo's mystery hoard, absolutely unmistakably.

Krauss has been lying to his wife and siblings about the gold for years. Of course he only has this single mega-ingot, which Kinzo had taken away from the pile himself and was keeping separate. If the whole legend is true—and it certainly seems that way based on this one—there are hundreds like it somewhere on Rokkenjima.


To Krauss's perspective, well... it's not like he's just being an asshole. Knowing about this is a huge burden on him, since he's known for sure he had to live in fear of the rest of the gold being discovered. He didn't want to share that burden with Natsuhi. But to her, being lumped in with his sibling rivals and left out of the loop is a much more hurtful gesture.

Natsuhi has a lot of issues about “wifely duties.” She had an extremely conservative upbringing, and marrying into Kinzo “Borrowed Womb” Ushiromiya's family didn't help. What's most important in the world to Natsuhi Ushiromiya is being a good wife, mother, and daughter-in-law. Nobody needs to be needed quite as desperately as she does.

And Krauss can be a jackass about it.
Let's jump forward a few minutes back to the present.

A lot of the fucked-up stuff the characters believe in Umineko is blatant social commentary. Japanese gender roles have basically trainwrecked Natsuhi's life.


She doesn't even think she's succeeding as a mother, as much as she wants to. Speaking of which...

Oh, why give her shit. At this point, Natsuhi is susceptible to the idea that maybe Jessica's better off being herself.


Instead, they have something incredibly uncommon: a moment.



Jessica doesn't really know what to say to take some of the stress off, but sticking her hands in her pockets and finding something there gives her an idea.

One of the +1 Unbelievably Shitty Protective Talismans changes hands. Maybe Natsuhi will get a better night's sleep with this on her doorknob. Or maybe that's idiotic, but...

It really is the thought that counts.
AWAYWISE

The cousins, reunited, decide to retire to the guesthouse for the night, even if they're not ready for bed. The mansion kinda sucks. George picks up the already-sleeping Maria.

So he'll need Shanon to carry an umbrella for him.


Rosa parts with her daughter poignantly.

Shannon has to check her schedule to find out if she has the night shift, which she can do in the servants' room of the guest house, so she leaves for just a second.

Whereupon she meets Kanon and Genji.

Well, that's peculiar.

Genji and the Fukuin House servants bear the One-winged Eagle on their clothes almost like family members, because they're very special servants. Kinzo's most trusted, basically. And if Kinzo trusts you, well... today, Krauss doesn't.

Dots above words are apparently a Japanese thing for emphasis. At any rate, this means Shannon can stay and hang out with the cousins! Yaaaaaaay!


Foolish sister, being happy in front of Kanon. Furniture'd. At the very least, he won't raise complaints if she takes a minute to say goodbye.
Genji was supposed to be going to bed, but he listened in. He suggests Kanon and Shannon can go play if they want, but Kanon declines.

NONCONVENTIONAL SEGUE TO ANOTHER PLACE AND/OR TIME

Jessica shocks Battler somehow. What's the deal?

Battler has just been let in on a huge, scandalous, long-kept secret of the sitting-in-a-tree variety.
So. Meanwhile.


Ooohhhhh.

A million yen is absolutely nowhere near a million dollars, obviously, but still. Working for the Ushiromiya family pays damn well.

But she doesn't really want to work for them forever. “Shannon” and “Kanon” aren't their real names. Fukuin House servants are given new names, all with the syllable “on” or "ne" at the end, as something like professional titles. George knows Shannon's real name is Sayo, even though he's not supposed to.

Their relationship not being the way it's supposed to be is nothing new, though. If Eva knew George was involved with a servant, she'd have some kind of meltdown. Maybe multiple kinds simultaneously.


Shannon wants something more out of life, but she doesn't know what.

George has a suggestion to make, though.



Well that's not typically how you propose, is it. But the order just applies to taking the ring, of course.




If Shannon puts the ring on her right hand tomorrow, then George will know she can't accept. If she puts it on her left, then they're getting married.



The chapter is technically over, but the next one takes about twenty seconds and this is already long as hell, so WE POWER FORTH with Shannon into the mansion.



Shannon lies about being sent over to help Gohda hold down the fort, so he sticks her with the entirety of his job for the night and kicks back. Asshole.

But she really just wanted to take a walk to recover from her overwhelming feelings, lest Kanon and Genji immediately know something huge had happened, so hey, patrolling the mansion is pretty convenient for her right now. She hears that the family conference is back on, raging with no signs of letting up until the wee hours.
And on her patrol, in the darkness, out of the corner of her eye, she'd swear she sees something.

It's almost midnight.

Good night, Rokkenjima.



Since Kinzo's got nothing to say, the adults have decided that their next best source for answers is Maria. Battler sees that they're seriously upsetting her, but there's no getting through to them.

They're all in a frenzy of greed and panic. Jessica and Battler are disgusted at the whole display.


George, on the other hand, having one foot out in the business world himself, is a little more sympathetic to the consequences the parents are looking at if they lose out on the inheritance. Battler already knew Rudolf was an asshole, too, so Jessica takes it the hardest. As much as she likes complaining about her parents due to teenager disease, this is her first time seeing them at their worst; deep down, she'd still looked up to them wholeheartedly before this.

This mature insight doubles as an excuse to get out of this shithole and not have to watch. Maria seems to have escaped already, Jessica says she needs some alone time, and George wants to go turn on a TV and see if the weather people know just how long the typhoon will be in yet, so the cousins are split up for now. Battler decides to just hang out in front of a window in another room and focus all his attention on the storm.



Kyrie's not needed in Hurricane Inheritance Debate right now, so she comes over to keep Battler company. Because the in-laws are the lowest-ranked group and they go in the same order as the age of their spouses, with Rosa's husband not around Kyrie is literally in the lowest position in the entire family. That means that while Natsuhi, as the (not so much anymore) successor's wife, and Hideyoshi, as a dude (Kinzo really sucks about that, though, seriously) can at least participate in the conversation freely, Kyrie's influence is basically microscopic. It's a damned shame, considering she's probably got the best ratio of intelligence to decency out of all the adults.

With this in mind, Battler cuts his brosis some slack. Kyrie gives details on the conversation and, yeah, they're all pretty much losing their shit in fear that this Beatrice character might make off with their inheritance.


Battler suspects that that was the whole point of the letter. But Kyrie is really curious whether or not there could be a Beatrice.

They'll never know now, though, not unless somebody who isn't dumb goes and butters Maria up. The North Wind and the Sun is one of Aesop's fables, if you haven't heard of it. But seriously, she pursues the issue. Battler wonders if Kinzo just entrusted somebody important to him with the letter and let them use the name “Beatrice...”

But that's not the point. It's certain that someone gave Maria that letter and claimed to be Beatrice. The question is, could it have been one of the eighteen people on the island somehow fooling Maria? Or is there a number nineteen hiding somewhere? Without being discovered?



Kyrie requires proof that this nineteenth person exists, but Battler thinks it's the other way around. A Devil's Proof is a philosophical/logical concept: you can prove that devils exist very easily by finding one. But even if you can't find one, you can't prove that they don't exist unless you magically examine every speck of existence simultaneously. Right?


Kyrie likes to think of life like a match of chess. Only a total amateur plays by looking at the current position of the pieces and quickly making a move based on whatever is most advantageous to their side at the moment. You have to turn the whole thing around in your head—look at the board from your opponent's perspective. Understand what move is most advantageous to them, and what move will be most advantageous to them after you make the move that's most advantageous to you, etc. etc. etc. Basically, Kyrie's philosophy is that most people are more predictable than you'd think—you just have to know what they want and what, to their perspective, is the best way to get it. Kyrie always knows how to guess someone's intentions, or what they'll do next, with scary accuracy—she just puts herself in their shoes. But what does this have to do with Beatrice?


Basically, there's no logical reason somebody who wants to remain hidden would appear openly before just one person and leave shaky proof of their existence. What's the point? If this Beatrice were a nineteenth person who had some reason to be secretive and hide away, in just about any scenario they'd have more to gain from leaving the letter somewhere it would be found. Or just mailing it, before the conference. One copy to each sibling. Maybe even have the letter be from Kinzo instead of some witch; they're clearly in cahoots with him, so why bother naming the third party who doesn't want to show their face?



It's the only thing that makes sense with the information they have. The only scenario in which Beatrice's theatrics serve any rational purpose is that she's a persona put on by one of the eighteen so it's easier for them to act anonymously.

So, someone must have been disguised as the Beatrice from the portrait, indeed. Again: probably not Kinzo or Krauss or Rudolf or Gohda or Genji or Nanjo. Just imagine all of those disguises as clearly as possible for a few minutes, it's very important to the reading experience.
ELSEWHILE


So, imagine you're very young and small. Imagine you're having a really terrible day with your mom hitting and screaming at you and you getting rained on and losing something you cared about and everything, when suddenly, you meet your favorite person ever—Santa, Batman, Mr. T, Harry Potter, anybody, and they pull you aside and give you a present. Suddenly everything is beautiful and nothing hurts! Until half an hour later, when you try to tell the story. Nobody believes you, the present gets taken away, and you wind up in the center of a screaming match between all your adult family members. Maria is having the second-worst day of her life.
But back to the parlor.

The point is, if the adults want to find out from Maria who “Beatrice” was, they've already made their bed and set it on fire.

So the task falls to Battler.


While there's a ceasefire, Rudolf tells his immediate family he has something to talk to them about later.

Which is kind of weird, actually! Rudolf doesn't have serious discussions with his loved ones, it's just not a thing.



Naturally, they don't take him literally. He must not have meant it that way, right? Anyway, he excuses himself.

Battler asks Kyrie if she can chessboardthink up an explanation for Rudolf's weirdness in saying he had to talk about something and then running off. Her answer is pretty obvious.


Kyrie makes fun of Rudolf, but being his partner and someone he can rely on is really important to her, so she goes to chase him like he wants, which leaves Battler alone with the wisdom she imparted. She really is kind of a mentor to him.
MEANWHERE

Exhaustion is Natsuhi's default state of being, so on a day this crazy...

If the letter is from Kinzo, which the adults are generally convinced it is, then it makes it explicitly clear that the succession will be decided based on who can solve the riddle of the epitaph. As in, it's not simply Krauss anymore. Their future—Jessica's future—just became fair game.

Natsuhi's strategy throughout the chaos was consistent with her earlier approach: become indignant, deny everything. And, like earlier, Krauss seemed to wish she'd just stay out of it. After the meeting, she confronted him about his attitude all day.



Stop changing the subject, Krauss! You and your wife need to have a serious discussion about how transparently absurd the very IDEA that there is some massive hidden oh my god

There's nothing to compare it to visually, but that isn't one of those standard gold bars you see on TV that are maybe the size of a really early cell phone. That fucking monstrosity is the size of Krauss's arm. Naturally, at that size it's not a formal, legal ingot. It also lacks the requisite markings that specify its value and foundry of origin—it's just barely-molded solid fucking gold, with a very faint imprint of the One-winged Eagle. This is from Kinzo's mystery hoard, absolutely unmistakably.

Krauss has been lying to his wife and siblings about the gold for years. Of course he only has this single mega-ingot, which Kinzo had taken away from the pile himself and was keeping separate. If the whole legend is true—and it certainly seems that way based on this one—there are hundreds like it somewhere on Rokkenjima.


To Krauss's perspective, well... it's not like he's just being an asshole. Knowing about this is a huge burden on him, since he's known for sure he had to live in fear of the rest of the gold being discovered. He didn't want to share that burden with Natsuhi. But to her, being lumped in with his sibling rivals and left out of the loop is a much more hurtful gesture.

Natsuhi has a lot of issues about “wifely duties.” She had an extremely conservative upbringing, and marrying into Kinzo “Borrowed Womb” Ushiromiya's family didn't help. What's most important in the world to Natsuhi Ushiromiya is being a good wife, mother, and daughter-in-law. Nobody needs to be needed quite as desperately as she does.

And Krauss can be a jackass about it.
Let's jump forward a few minutes back to the present.

A lot of the fucked-up stuff the characters believe in Umineko is blatant social commentary. Japanese gender roles have basically trainwrecked Natsuhi's life.


She doesn't even think she's succeeding as a mother, as much as she wants to. Speaking of which...

Oh, why give her shit. At this point, Natsuhi is susceptible to the idea that maybe Jessica's better off being herself.


Instead, they have something incredibly uncommon: a moment.



Jessica doesn't really know what to say to take some of the stress off, but sticking her hands in her pockets and finding something there gives her an idea.

One of the +1 Unbelievably Shitty Protective Talismans changes hands. Maybe Natsuhi will get a better night's sleep with this on her doorknob. Or maybe that's idiotic, but...

It really is the thought that counts.
AWAYWISE

The cousins, reunited, decide to retire to the guesthouse for the night, even if they're not ready for bed. The mansion kinda sucks. George picks up the already-sleeping Maria.

So he'll need Shanon to carry an umbrella for him.


Rosa parts with her daughter poignantly.

Shannon has to check her schedule to find out if she has the night shift, which she can do in the servants' room of the guest house, so she leaves for just a second.

Whereupon she meets Kanon and Genji.

Well, that's peculiar.

Genji and the Fukuin House servants bear the One-winged Eagle on their clothes almost like family members, because they're very special servants. Kinzo's most trusted, basically. And if Kinzo trusts you, well... today, Krauss doesn't.

Dots above words are apparently a Japanese thing for emphasis. At any rate, this means Shannon can stay and hang out with the cousins! Yaaaaaaay!


Foolish sister, being happy in front of Kanon. Furniture'd. At the very least, he won't raise complaints if she takes a minute to say goodbye.
Genji was supposed to be going to bed, but he listened in. He suggests Kanon and Shannon can go play if they want, but Kanon declines.

NONCONVENTIONAL SEGUE TO ANOTHER PLACE AND/OR TIME

Jessica shocks Battler somehow. What's the deal?

Battler has just been let in on a huge, scandalous, long-kept secret of the sitting-in-a-tree variety.
So. Meanwhile.


Ooohhhhh.

A million yen is absolutely nowhere near a million dollars, obviously, but still. Working for the Ushiromiya family pays damn well.

But she doesn't really want to work for them forever. “Shannon” and “Kanon” aren't their real names. Fukuin House servants are given new names, all with the syllable “on” or "ne" at the end, as something like professional titles. George knows Shannon's real name is Sayo, even though he's not supposed to.

Their relationship not being the way it's supposed to be is nothing new, though. If Eva knew George was involved with a servant, she'd have some kind of meltdown. Maybe multiple kinds simultaneously.


Shannon wants something more out of life, but she doesn't know what.

George has a suggestion to make, though.



Well that's not typically how you propose, is it. But the order just applies to taking the ring, of course.




If Shannon puts the ring on her right hand tomorrow, then George will know she can't accept. If she puts it on her left, then they're getting married.



The chapter is technically over, but the next one takes about twenty seconds and this is already long as hell, so WE POWER FORTH with Shannon into the mansion.



Shannon lies about being sent over to help Gohda hold down the fort, so he sticks her with the entirety of his job for the night and kicks back. Asshole.

But she really just wanted to take a walk to recover from her overwhelming feelings, lest Kanon and Genji immediately know something huge had happened, so hey, patrolling the mansion is pretty convenient for her right now. She hears that the family conference is back on, raging with no signs of letting up until the wee hours.
And on her patrol, in the darkness, out of the corner of her eye, she'd swear she sees something.

It's almost midnight.

Good night, Rokkenjima.

