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Let's Play Umineko no Naku Koro ni - Episode 3 Chapter 3
Episode 3 Chapter 3 – “I Wouldn't Put It Past Kinzo” is Already a Thing, You Can't Stop It From Being a Thing
Do I have to? Please, god. I don't want do. Do you have any idea how many times I've done this? There's no purpose for it. Please.
..I have to, don't I? ...Okay... Let's go.
Mad with rage, I guess that's funny.
So they're... god dammit. They keep asking Maria who gave her the letter and she keeps saying Beatrice. I fucking WONDER if she's gonna get really upset and the other kids are gonna think less of the adults for AAAAAAAUUUUGH
You know what? Fuck it. There's going to be almost nothing in this chapter that you haven't read five times before, and there's good content containing new, plot-relevant information on the other side of it. I'm LPing this thing, not transcribing surgical notes. I can do whatever the hell I want. Are you guys ready? Strap the fuck in.
We are SKIMMING THIS SON OF A BITCH.
The kids go to the guest house so their parents can argue!
The kids can't decide if there are 18 or 19 people! Jessica refers to the legend that there's a witch living in the forest!
MEANWHILE
Krauss and Natsuhi are on the defensive! Natsuhi repeatedly interjects with great indignation!
They have to acknowledge that whoever solves the epitaph will become the head! They don't however know who Kinzo had deliver it!
Kyrie and Rosa try to lighten the mood! It works!
Lists of suspsects! They all have alibis!
Scandalously obvious theories!
We now let up somewhat on When the Speedrunners Cry for some delicious new content. Eva used to believe in the witch almost half as hard as Maria does, in the same basic way. That hope has pretty much extinguished with age, though.
And hey, there's more. You know why they've spent two entire games incapable of deciding whether or not there was a 19th person and just keep coming back to it? They as in the characters, as opposed to us readers, who know we should be thinking in mystery novel terms from the outset? Because the existence of such a person is logically impossible, but nobody who grew up on Rokkenjima can make their brain agree with that logic.
It's not that they're superstitious. But there's worlds of reason to suspect something, like, oh... sum it up, Kyrie.
This has been discussed before, like the rest of this stuff. Just not some of the background the siblings have on the subject. All their lives, Kinzo acted weird in a lot of ways even before he started to go insane. They've suspected since childhood that daddy had a secret. So did their mother. So did everyone.
He was constantly disappearing god knows where and refusing to explain himself back in the day, and it's not like having another mansion hidden in the forest would be impossible. He personally commissioned all development on Rokkenjima, which used to be a wild, uninhabited island, and the forest is to the best of everyone else's knowledge uncharted territory. He even went out of his way to forbid anyone to explore it—there could be anything hidden out there. And another small mansion wouldn't have been much of a dent in his absurd fortune, especially back in the 50's.
The most important thing is that they wouldn't put it past him. Nobody in the know puts anything past Kinzo. Bottom line? They're entertaining the idea, as they have done before, that Beatrice is Kinzo's mistress, and that she's fucking with them for the inheritance.
Huh, there's a blink-and-you-miss-it moment in the middle of all this repetition. Concerned, Eva?
There is no situation in which Natsuhi can't find a way to give Kinzo way—way—too much credit.
The younger siblings are still trying to gang up on Krauss, though given the new situation their tactics have changed accordingly. He has no poker face to speak of on this, though; the Rokkenjima resort plan has the ulterior motive of giving him an excuse to take control of the island and search for the mansion. They suspect (and we know) that he has proof that the gold is hidden somewhere.
Krauss admits only that he Would Not Put It Past Father. But what about the impracticality of maintaining the place well enough for this mistress who is totally not a witch to live comfortably? Could Kinzo really have a second set of utilities installed and upkept on this remote island? A second service staff hired to take care of her? Secret shipments of food, clothes and whatever else she would need?
You keep considering putting it past Kinzo, guys, you've gotta stop. You just don't put things past the man. It's not done.
Natsuhi is now indignant about the guessed motivations of a hypothetical person whom they know nothing about including whether or not she exists.
That takes genuine talent. You can't be more scandalized about something than Natsuhi. She deserves an award for it or something. The Golden Fainting Couch.
Eva is, to say the least, okay with this situation. However, the concern is introduced that Beatrice might have more of an advantage than they think. She is, after all, the one who changed the rules. Why not to benefit herself?
I should link Suspicion here, but we're still SKIMMING, so I think it's clear what I need to do.
[BGM: Suspicion?]
They can't decide. She wouldn't start shit if she didn't know the answer to the epitaph, right? Because she's helping them out so she must be getting the bigger upper hand? But she also wouldn't need to if she did, right? Because... yeah. Reasoning in circles!
Eva eventually comes up with this. They've been talking about how Beatrice would feel entitled to the inheritance, not because of how much money it is, but because she was closer to Kinzo than anyone. What if she has the gold, which is worth more objectively, but would gladly exchange it for the simple honor of officially controlling the Ushiromiya family?
Natsuhi, you're gonna wear out your flipout muscles. At any rate, this makes some amount of sense. They all do, after all, NEED A LOT OF MONEY, RIGHT NOW. Beatrice's probably old and busted and just wants to live out a proper married life on the island with Kinzo or something, so she doesn't need the functionally infinite money they suspect she controls. She buys the family name from them, and everybody wins. Right?
Everyone kind of likes this plan except, yet again, for Natsuhi. Eva has some reluctance—she still wants to be head—but, well. Most of them realize intellectually that they're a family of huge assholes. Why take pride in their lame name when they could each afford to buy an entire new family by mail order from Russia? Once a year?
Even if she already had the gold, though, Beatrice wouldn't want to have to negotiate with all four of them, right? Krauss by himself is in such a weak position what with the embezzlement and the massive business failures that she could get the inheritance from him in a snap.
So why the letter?
Wait when did them solving the epitaph enter back into—because they could go physically take the gold and remove her bargaining chips? Right, sure. Her giving them the chance to do that just because she's feeling cocky is an uncharacteristically dumb theory for Kyrie, though.
Kyrie. Come on. At any rate, they've talked themselves back into trying to solve the riddle.
Especially this kid.
I think that's enough SKIMMING. Please stop talking about economics, Ryukishi.
Do I have to? Please, god. I don't want do. Do you have any idea how many times I've done this? There's no purpose for it. Please.
..I have to, don't I? ...Okay... Let's go.
Mad with rage, I guess that's funny.
So they're... god dammit. They keep asking Maria who gave her the letter and she keeps saying Beatrice. I fucking WONDER if she's gonna get really upset and the other kids are gonna think less of the adults for AAAAAAAUUUUGH
You know what? Fuck it. There's going to be almost nothing in this chapter that you haven't read five times before, and there's good content containing new, plot-relevant information on the other side of it. I'm LPing this thing, not transcribing surgical notes. I can do whatever the hell I want. Are you guys ready? Strap the fuck in.
We are SKIMMING THIS SON OF A BITCH.
The kids go to the guest house so their parents can argue!
The kids can't decide if there are 18 or 19 people! Jessica refers to the legend that there's a witch living in the forest!
MEANWHILE
Krauss and Natsuhi are on the defensive! Natsuhi repeatedly interjects with great indignation!
They have to acknowledge that whoever solves the epitaph will become the head! They don't however know who Kinzo had deliver it!
Kyrie and Rosa try to lighten the mood! It works!
Lists of suspsects! They all have alibis!
Scandalously obvious theories!
We now let up somewhat on When the Speedrunners Cry for some delicious new content. Eva used to believe in the witch almost half as hard as Maria does, in the same basic way. That hope has pretty much extinguished with age, though.
And hey, there's more. You know why they've spent two entire games incapable of deciding whether or not there was a 19th person and just keep coming back to it? They as in the characters, as opposed to us readers, who know we should be thinking in mystery novel terms from the outset? Because the existence of such a person is logically impossible, but nobody who grew up on Rokkenjima can make their brain agree with that logic.
It's not that they're superstitious. But there's worlds of reason to suspect something, like, oh... sum it up, Kyrie.
This has been discussed before, like the rest of this stuff. Just not some of the background the siblings have on the subject. All their lives, Kinzo acted weird in a lot of ways even before he started to go insane. They've suspected since childhood that daddy had a secret. So did their mother. So did everyone.
He was constantly disappearing god knows where and refusing to explain himself back in the day, and it's not like having another mansion hidden in the forest would be impossible. He personally commissioned all development on Rokkenjima, which used to be a wild, uninhabited island, and the forest is to the best of everyone else's knowledge uncharted territory. He even went out of his way to forbid anyone to explore it—there could be anything hidden out there. And another small mansion wouldn't have been much of a dent in his absurd fortune, especially back in the 50's.
The most important thing is that they wouldn't put it past him. Nobody in the know puts anything past Kinzo. Bottom line? They're entertaining the idea, as they have done before, that Beatrice is Kinzo's mistress, and that she's fucking with them for the inheritance.
Huh, there's a blink-and-you-miss-it moment in the middle of all this repetition. Concerned, Eva?
There is no situation in which Natsuhi can't find a way to give Kinzo way—way—too much credit.
The younger siblings are still trying to gang up on Krauss, though given the new situation their tactics have changed accordingly. He has no poker face to speak of on this, though; the Rokkenjima resort plan has the ulterior motive of giving him an excuse to take control of the island and search for the mansion. They suspect (and we know) that he has proof that the gold is hidden somewhere.
Krauss admits only that he Would Not Put It Past Father. But what about the impracticality of maintaining the place well enough for this mistress who is totally not a witch to live comfortably? Could Kinzo really have a second set of utilities installed and upkept on this remote island? A second service staff hired to take care of her? Secret shipments of food, clothes and whatever else she would need?
You keep considering putting it past Kinzo, guys, you've gotta stop. You just don't put things past the man. It's not done.
Natsuhi is now indignant about the guessed motivations of a hypothetical person whom they know nothing about including whether or not she exists.
That takes genuine talent. You can't be more scandalized about something than Natsuhi. She deserves an award for it or something. The Golden Fainting Couch.
Eva is, to say the least, okay with this situation. However, the concern is introduced that Beatrice might have more of an advantage than they think. She is, after all, the one who changed the rules. Why not to benefit herself?
I should link Suspicion here, but we're still SKIMMING, so I think it's clear what I need to do.
[BGM: Suspicion?]
They can't decide. She wouldn't start shit if she didn't know the answer to the epitaph, right? Because she's helping them out so she must be getting the bigger upper hand? But she also wouldn't need to if she did, right? Because... yeah. Reasoning in circles!
Eva eventually comes up with this. They've been talking about how Beatrice would feel entitled to the inheritance, not because of how much money it is, but because she was closer to Kinzo than anyone. What if she has the gold, which is worth more objectively, but would gladly exchange it for the simple honor of officially controlling the Ushiromiya family?
Natsuhi, you're gonna wear out your flipout muscles. At any rate, this makes some amount of sense. They all do, after all, NEED A LOT OF MONEY, RIGHT NOW. Beatrice's probably old and busted and just wants to live out a proper married life on the island with Kinzo or something, so she doesn't need the functionally infinite money they suspect she controls. She buys the family name from them, and everybody wins. Right?
Everyone kind of likes this plan except, yet again, for Natsuhi. Eva has some reluctance—she still wants to be head—but, well. Most of them realize intellectually that they're a family of huge assholes. Why take pride in their lame name when they could each afford to buy an entire new family by mail order from Russia? Once a year?
Even if she already had the gold, though, Beatrice wouldn't want to have to negotiate with all four of them, right? Krauss by himself is in such a weak position what with the embezzlement and the massive business failures that she could get the inheritance from him in a snap.
So why the letter?
Wait when did them solving the epitaph enter back into—because they could go physically take the gold and remove her bargaining chips? Right, sure. Her giving them the chance to do that just because she's feeling cocky is an uncharacteristically dumb theory for Kyrie, though.
Kyrie. Come on. At any rate, they've talked themselves back into trying to solve the riddle.
Especially this kid.
I think that's enough SKIMMING. Please stop talking about economics, Ryukishi.