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Let's Play Umineko no Naku Koro ni - Episode 3 Chapter 2
Episode 3 Chapter 2 – He Forgot the Pony
The cousins and Shannon are on the beach, avoiding serious business discussion from the adults.
Battler, these are your friends and family, I'm sure you can remember them. Even if George pays you kind of a backhanded compliment about it.
Luckily Jessica is here to teach us what making fun of Battler is really all about.
Oh, I bet Shannon has a story to tell, oh boy!
I can't look at you, Battler. (The brackets signify Engrish.)
They all rightfully mock Battler for a while.
Yeeaaaaaahhhhhhhh, that sure is a habit he has. The takeaway from all this, clearly, is that Battler was slightly more of a fucking dork in adolescence.
For some reason Shannon decides to have mercy on him, for now.
They're being kind of obvious about it right now, actually.
Yeah, Battler did have kind of a thing for Shannon once. Guess that ship has sailed! I feel like there's a joke in here about how much Battler hates boats.
Brilliant deduction. I'm sure your piece isn't getting that hunch based on any meta knowledge or anything.
Alternating comic relief and self-reflection! Sure is early on in an Umineko episode.
Battler is trying to imply that he is popular with the ladies.
DON'T YOU BELIEVE IT
Smooth, Jessica. Logically her relationship with Kanon should still be kind of in a deadlock, judging by the last episode.
Yyyyep. This leads, somehow, to Jessica making the inconceivably huge mistake of asking Battler for flirting advice.
Battler if you anachronistically suggest she try a tsundere routine I will throw you in the ocean.
God... dammit, Battler.
Totally not cheating!
Man, Battler, you're lucky Kanon never joins Shannon in hanging out with you losers.
Battler is unimpressed with the idea of both George and Jessica running into trouble for dating servants. Or Shannon and Kanon running into trouble for dating members of the family, more accurately.
God. Dammit. Battler.
Right now, somewhere in the mansion, Natsuhi and Eva very nearly come to blows over whether Kinzo's antique fountain pen collection should be arranged in order of age or country of origin.
Yes, definitely, everybody will live in peace and harmony forever, you're absolutely correct.
Subtle, Beato. At any rate, all the cousins swear a pact not to end up like their parents, turning on each other like starved hyenas whenever somebody mentions gold.
I know! Maybe if you ask nicely, PAUSE.
Sometimes I worry about this Battler kid, if he seriously thought there was any possibility of getting any other kind of response to that.
UNPAUSE.
I wonder if there's a fragment out there somewhere in which that fucking rose doesn't blow away.
Guess who!
Shit, my guess was Nanjo in drag.
Anyway, this progresses as you'd expect.
Into a magic lesson, of course.
Or... that. That was pretty anticlimactic for the Golden Witch, wasn't it?
The thing about doing magic is it's not about the scale so much as the technique. Reviving a flower isn't much easier than reviving a human being. The hard part is kind of, you know, bending the rules of reality. What you use the bend for can vary a lot.
This is the person Maria thinks of as the good, supportive parental figure. Just for the record.
But anyway, Beato can do it.
And then the magic happens.
Well.
Maria opens her eyes to see a beautiful, decorated rose standing out against all the others.
More than enough to keep a kid like her happy. There are good uses for magic.
And also the kind Beato is used to!
I wonder if THAT will be important!
Suddenly crazy magic gambling talk!
Oh bullshit, it did NOT get hit by lightning.
It just turned into a butterfly and flew to its intended recipient. Tch, struck by lightning in midair. That's just so implausible.
So far, this game seems to be changing less from the first than the second did. I wonder what the deviation will be...
Oh. That, maybe.
[BGM: Fishy Aroma]
Ronove
Demon Butler
Specialties: Tea, Cookies
Ah, Ronove. He's demonic furniture like the Stakes of Purgatory, in the same way that Kinzo is human like Gohda. This guy's not just some footsoldier, even an elite one. He's... a butler, which you'd think would be lower ranking but I guess he just butlers because he enjoys it. I mean, look at him, it's his calling. He's like three Jeeveses and half an Alfred. Or one Genji. Probably Beatrice's most... trusted servant, if trust is the right word. He has a way of trolling the people he likes.
Like so.
He's nothing if not a class act. With some sass.
A sass act.
PAUSE.
Having to meet too many new people? Aw, Battler has Meta World Problems.
See what I meant about him being a high-ranking demon? He's one of the 72... Great Demons or... something from Abrahamic demonology, okay, it's a purely cosmetic reference and you don't really have to research it or anything.
He really has no qualms whatsoever about openly insulting Beato.
Perhaps relatedly, he's kind of a bro.
But Battler's not looking for bros! He's looking for vengeance.
Being a bro doesn't mean Ronove's not a troll. Also, yeah, his laugh is kind of stupid.
The antics level in Purgatorio is off the charts.
Battler, at any rate, is ready to roll.
Don't worry, Battler. I'm sure only fifteen to twenty more weird people will show up.
The Ushiromiyas, huh? Yeah, lots of weird people.
Chess metaphors, Battler is doomed, etc. etc. No wonder witches have such problems with boredom. They're broken records, themselves.
UNPAUSE.
Hey, we're already at the reading of Beato's letter. The usual chaos breaks out.
Maybe this time they'll try solving the epitaph instead of spending twelve hours arguing about the letter?
By the way, we're following Eva now. This is the kind of chance she's dreamed about her whole life.
Nope, though. Too busy with Natsuhi flipping the fuck out. God, Natsuhi.That worthless fuck.
Look, it's Eva's perspective. They're going to question Kinzo.
Eva in no way has an ulterior motive for desperately clinging to belief that the letter is legit! Fucking Rosa! GOD!
“So how about that local sports team?” says George.
Kyrie, seemingly knowing a thing or two about gray morality, is sympathetic.
Oh no. No.If you fucking ask her straight-out who gave her the letter because it couldn't have been Beatrice I swear I am going to
GOD DAMMIT!!!
The cousins and Shannon are on the beach, avoiding serious business discussion from the adults.
Battler, these are your friends and family, I'm sure you can remember them. Even if George pays you kind of a backhanded compliment about it.
Luckily Jessica is here to teach us what making fun of Battler is really all about.
Oh, I bet Shannon has a story to tell, oh boy!
I can't look at you, Battler. (The brackets signify Engrish.)
They all rightfully mock Battler for a while.
Yeeaaaaaahhhhhhhh, that sure is a habit he has. The takeaway from all this, clearly, is that Battler was slightly more of a fucking dork in adolescence.
For some reason Shannon decides to have mercy on him, for now.
They're being kind of obvious about it right now, actually.
Yeah, Battler did have kind of a thing for Shannon once. Guess that ship has sailed! I feel like there's a joke in here about how much Battler hates boats.
Brilliant deduction. I'm sure your piece isn't getting that hunch based on any meta knowledge or anything.
Alternating comic relief and self-reflection! Sure is early on in an Umineko episode.
Battler is trying to imply that he is popular with the ladies.
DON'T YOU BELIEVE IT
Smooth, Jessica. Logically her relationship with Kanon should still be kind of in a deadlock, judging by the last episode.
Yyyyep. This leads, somehow, to Jessica making the inconceivably huge mistake of asking Battler for flirting advice.
Battler if you anachronistically suggest she try a tsundere routine I will throw you in the ocean.
God... dammit, Battler.
Totally not cheating!
Man, Battler, you're lucky Kanon never joins Shannon in hanging out with you losers.
Battler is unimpressed with the idea of both George and Jessica running into trouble for dating servants. Or Shannon and Kanon running into trouble for dating members of the family, more accurately.
God. Dammit. Battler.
Right now, somewhere in the mansion, Natsuhi and Eva very nearly come to blows over whether Kinzo's antique fountain pen collection should be arranged in order of age or country of origin.
Yes, definitely, everybody will live in peace and harmony forever, you're absolutely correct.
Subtle, Beato. At any rate, all the cousins swear a pact not to end up like their parents, turning on each other like starved hyenas whenever somebody mentions gold.
I know! Maybe if you ask nicely, PAUSE.
Sometimes I worry about this Battler kid, if he seriously thought there was any possibility of getting any other kind of response to that.
UNPAUSE.
I wonder if there's a fragment out there somewhere in which that fucking rose doesn't blow away.
Guess who!
Shit, my guess was Nanjo in drag.
Anyway, this progresses as you'd expect.
Into a magic lesson, of course.
Or... that. That was pretty anticlimactic for the Golden Witch, wasn't it?
The thing about doing magic is it's not about the scale so much as the technique. Reviving a flower isn't much easier than reviving a human being. The hard part is kind of, you know, bending the rules of reality. What you use the bend for can vary a lot.
This is the person Maria thinks of as the good, supportive parental figure. Just for the record.
But anyway, Beato can do it.
And then the magic happens.
Well.
Maria opens her eyes to see a beautiful, decorated rose standing out against all the others.
More than enough to keep a kid like her happy. There are good uses for magic.
And also the kind Beato is used to!
I wonder if THAT will be important!
Suddenly crazy magic gambling talk!
Oh bullshit, it did NOT get hit by lightning.
It just turned into a butterfly and flew to its intended recipient. Tch, struck by lightning in midair. That's just so implausible.
So far, this game seems to be changing less from the first than the second did. I wonder what the deviation will be...
Oh. That, maybe.
[BGM: Fishy Aroma]
Ronove
Demon Butler
Specialties: Tea, Cookies
Ah, Ronove. He's demonic furniture like the Stakes of Purgatory, in the same way that Kinzo is human like Gohda. This guy's not just some footsoldier, even an elite one. He's... a butler, which you'd think would be lower ranking but I guess he just butlers because he enjoys it. I mean, look at him, it's his calling. He's like three Jeeveses and half an Alfred. Or one Genji. Probably Beatrice's most... trusted servant, if trust is the right word. He has a way of trolling the people he likes.
Like so.
He's nothing if not a class act. With some sass.
A sass act.
PAUSE.
Having to meet too many new people? Aw, Battler has Meta World Problems.
See what I meant about him being a high-ranking demon? He's one of the 72... Great Demons or... something from Abrahamic demonology, okay, it's a purely cosmetic reference and you don't really have to research it or anything.
He really has no qualms whatsoever about openly insulting Beato.
Perhaps relatedly, he's kind of a bro.
But Battler's not looking for bros! He's looking for vengeance.
Being a bro doesn't mean Ronove's not a troll. Also, yeah, his laugh is kind of stupid.
The antics level in Purgatorio is off the charts.
Battler, at any rate, is ready to roll.
Don't worry, Battler. I'm sure only fifteen to twenty more weird people will show up.
The Ushiromiyas, huh? Yeah, lots of weird people.
Chess metaphors, Battler is doomed, etc. etc. No wonder witches have such problems with boredom. They're broken records, themselves.
UNPAUSE.
Hey, we're already at the reading of Beato's letter. The usual chaos breaks out.
Maybe this time they'll try solving the epitaph instead of spending twelve hours arguing about the letter?
By the way, we're following Eva now. This is the kind of chance she's dreamed about her whole life.
Nope, though. Too busy with Natsuhi flipping the fuck out. God, Natsuhi.That worthless fuck.
Look, it's Eva's perspective. They're going to question Kinzo.
Eva in no way has an ulterior motive for desperately clinging to belief that the letter is legit! Fucking Rosa! GOD!
“So how about that local sports team?” says George.
Kyrie, seemingly knowing a thing or two about gray morality, is sympathetic.
Oh no. No.If you fucking ask her straight-out who gave her the letter because it couldn't have been Beatrice I swear I am going to
GOD DAMMIT!!!