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Let's Play Umineko no Naku Koro ni - Episode 2 Tea Parties
Episode 2 Tea Parties – Happy Halloween! Part 2


Well! Uh! Welcome to Meta World, Rosa. I'm so sorry about the circumstances.

You're a very special guest.


As Shannon can tell you, this transaction is not a good idea.

Oh goddammit, she's witchbabbling. I'd mercy-kill you now if I could, Rosa.



Um.

I guess she's offering to heal your psychological trauma. You do have a lot of that to spare, don't you, Rosa. Growing up the youngest Ushiromiya sibling, and all. Who can blame her for all she's done wrong?
[BGM: Daydream's End]


From Krauss, she learned to use people weaker than her as punching bags when she gets upset.


From Eva, she learned that no one can be trusted, and to always act in self-interest.


And from Rudolf, she learned that the only way to get by in the world is to be totally two-faced.



Frankly, some therapy sounds good right now. What did you have in mind, Beato? Erasing all those years of bullying and trauma?


No, no. That wouldn't be the same as healing. Rosa's got to feel more like she's been... compensated for what her siblings did to her.


Apparently this manner of healing takes the form of a meal? Weird.


Well, Rosa seems to think it's delicious. What's in it?

Oh.




The wine is made with enough separate instances of the very last drop of Krauss's blood to partially fill the glass, along with the actual wine. He died dozens of times to make it.


Rosa's “healing” is payback. Whether she wants it or not.



So naturally, the other courses are also made of her siblings. No fava beans jokes.
[SFX: ahaha.wav]


By the way, maybe you couldn't tell, but this isn't actually for Rosa's benefit. She hasn't acknowledged good and permanently that witches exist yet, so Beatrice is taking the road less traveled towards making that happen.


She's not done, Rosa.


Maria's still alive.



That's not how that works at all!



[SFX: ahaha.wav]
I'm... I'm used to this kind of thing, sort of, and even I think I'm gonna be sick...




Beatrice wins. Nobody's left to—

...What?
[BGM: Dread of the Grave]

What?



Oh my god, Battler's back!

Oh goddammit, Battler's back!

Rosa certainly isn't Battler's favorite person, not after this past game. But she did what she thought was right and protected her daughter—and she resisted the witch with every fiber of her being, to the point that it took something like this to break her. And above all else, she's family. Battler won't sit around feeling sorry for himself and let Beato do whatever she wants to her.



True, he said he surrendered. But Beato never said no take-backsies. He was always gonna need to hit his lowest point once to harden his resolve for the rest of the fight. No matter what, until he defeats Beatrice and solves the mysteries of Rokkenjima,
Battler will not give up again!




ROUND 3, GAME ON
Episode 2 ????? – Oh Boy! More Witches!
Let's backtrack a bit to the afterparty of the banquet.

This is bad for my blood pressure. Don't tell Bernkastel I said she's passive-aggressioh she can probably hear us HOW COULD YOU SAY THAT ABOUT LADY BERNKASTEL, GUYS???

Anyway, the point at hand is, Battler lost that game, and who can blame him? It was bullshit.


Wait, what does she mean by that? Is Bernkastel interfering? Is Bernkastel interfering for our side?
Oh my fucking god.


This could get ugly.

What? Oh, no.

No no no. Beatrice and Bernkastel are far, far, far more than enough. You are NOT about to bring in—

Mother! FUCK!

Lambdadelta
Witch of Certainty
Specialties: Magic, Fashion(?), ???
You thought being a thousand years old was a big deal? Lambdadelta is what old-school looks like even among witches. Disregard that she looks like a pop idol with a particularly stupid gimmick—she's practically a force of nature, and of course she's a dangerous lunatic to boot. Seriously: do not piss Lambdadelta off under any circumstances. Luckily, she's too fixated on Bernkastel to pay anybody else too much mind for very long.


Lambda trades out passive-aggression for being overtly obnoxious WOW YOU ARE SO RUDE YOU KEEP SAYING THESE THINGS ABOUT OUR HONORABLE WITCH OVERLORDS


Remember, Bern's claim to fame is having won a game against Lambda, which is not by an order of magnitude a common feat.

Lambda's that character among the witches. Hm? I didn't say anything. You still gossiping? I swear.

So, let me get this straight. Bernkastel is on Battler's side, and Lambdadelta is on Beatrice's side, and oh god this is too many witches regardless of what side they're on I'm seriously considering going home and letting Battler fend for himself.



[SFX: ahaha.wav]


So. It's the worst game ever, then.



Witch antics.

Nonspecific spoiler: Bernkastel and Lambdadelta are basically married. Witch relationships are super weird. Lambda and Beato leave Bern to strategize. Wait, does that mean we're alone with her? Oh dear. Guess she wants to talk to you again, readers.



Sympathy! Tears! I'll bet. Your eyes don't look as dead as usual maybe!

Well then, I guess Battler's not doing so bad after all.


It's, uh, well, it's true. Beato's greatest weapon is unpredictability. She's not a normal opponent.


Okay. Not giving up. Got it.

...Look. Don't even ask me about Bern's—Lady Bernkastel's past. Or, to speak more accurately, who she “used to” be, if you can consider the element that separates the two entities to be “time.” Dammit, I'm talking like a witch now... look, it's just a whole 'nother story that I don't know all the details about. I've been considering looking into it, but yeah.

Bernkastel leaves.
PPPPPHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEWWWW.
Thank almighty god. Finally we're done talking to fucking witchAAAAAAAAAH

[BGM: Fishy Aroma]
Haha! Hi Lady Lambdadelta! God I just want to go home.

That doesn't... necessarily make any sense...

Yes I agree that was so cheap of her what even the fuck and you were so reasonable to let her do whatever she wanted it wasn't dumb at all.

We're... we're not that shitty...

See? Married. God stop talking while she's talking!

Well, we did get seriously curb-stomped this time. I mean, lemme just say, none of these assholes' theories were even close.

thank you lady lambdadelta



So, she takes a lot of risks... hm...




[SFX: ahaha.wav]
I think this analogy got sidetracked somewhere.



Power levels, got it. Please go away now.

End of Episode 2


Well! Uh! Welcome to Meta World, Rosa. I'm so sorry about the circumstances.

You're a very special guest.


As Shannon can tell you, this transaction is not a good idea.

Oh goddammit, she's witchbabbling. I'd mercy-kill you now if I could, Rosa.



Um.

I guess she's offering to heal your psychological trauma. You do have a lot of that to spare, don't you, Rosa. Growing up the youngest Ushiromiya sibling, and all. Who can blame her for all she's done wrong?
[BGM: Daydream's End]


From Krauss, she learned to use people weaker than her as punching bags when she gets upset.


From Eva, she learned that no one can be trusted, and to always act in self-interest.


And from Rudolf, she learned that the only way to get by in the world is to be totally two-faced.



Frankly, some therapy sounds good right now. What did you have in mind, Beato? Erasing all those years of bullying and trauma?


No, no. That wouldn't be the same as healing. Rosa's got to feel more like she's been... compensated for what her siblings did to her.


Apparently this manner of healing takes the form of a meal? Weird.


Well, Rosa seems to think it's delicious. What's in it?

Oh.




The wine is made with enough separate instances of the very last drop of Krauss's blood to partially fill the glass, along with the actual wine. He died dozens of times to make it.


Rosa's “healing” is payback. Whether she wants it or not.



So naturally, the other courses are also made of her siblings. No fava beans jokes.
[SFX: ahaha.wav]


By the way, maybe you couldn't tell, but this isn't actually for Rosa's benefit. She hasn't acknowledged good and permanently that witches exist yet, so Beatrice is taking the road less traveled towards making that happen.


She's not done, Rosa.


Maria's still alive.



That's not how that works at all!



[SFX: ahaha.wav]
I'm... I'm used to this kind of thing, sort of, and even I think I'm gonna be sick...




Beatrice wins. Nobody's left to—

...What?
[BGM: Dread of the Grave]

What?



Oh my god, Battler's back!

Oh goddammit, Battler's back!

Rosa certainly isn't Battler's favorite person, not after this past game. But she did what she thought was right and protected her daughter—and she resisted the witch with every fiber of her being, to the point that it took something like this to break her. And above all else, she's family. Battler won't sit around feeling sorry for himself and let Beato do whatever she wants to her.



True, he said he surrendered. But Beato never said no take-backsies. He was always gonna need to hit his lowest point once to harden his resolve for the rest of the fight. No matter what, until he defeats Beatrice and solves the mysteries of Rokkenjima,
Battler will not give up again!




ROUND 3, GAME ON
Episode 2 ????? – Oh Boy! More Witches!
Let's backtrack a bit to the afterparty of the banquet.

This is bad for my blood pressure. Don't tell Bernkastel I said she's passive-aggressioh she can probably hear us HOW COULD YOU SAY THAT ABOUT LADY BERNKASTEL, GUYS???

Anyway, the point at hand is, Battler lost that game, and who can blame him? It was bullshit.


Wait, what does she mean by that? Is Bernkastel interfering? Is Bernkastel interfering for our side?
Oh my fucking god.


This could get ugly.

What? Oh, no.

No no no. Beatrice and Bernkastel are far, far, far more than enough. You are NOT about to bring in—

Mother! FUCK!

Lambdadelta
Witch of Certainty
Specialties: Magic, Fashion(?), ???
You thought being a thousand years old was a big deal? Lambdadelta is what old-school looks like even among witches. Disregard that she looks like a pop idol with a particularly stupid gimmick—she's practically a force of nature, and of course she's a dangerous lunatic to boot. Seriously: do not piss Lambdadelta off under any circumstances. Luckily, she's too fixated on Bernkastel to pay anybody else too much mind for very long.


Lambda trades out passive-aggression for being overtly obnoxious WOW YOU ARE SO RUDE YOU KEEP SAYING THESE THINGS ABOUT OUR HONORABLE WITCH OVERLORDS


Remember, Bern's claim to fame is having won a game against Lambda, which is not by an order of magnitude a common feat.

Lambda's that character among the witches. Hm? I didn't say anything. You still gossiping? I swear.

So, let me get this straight. Bernkastel is on Battler's side, and Lambdadelta is on Beatrice's side, and oh god this is too many witches regardless of what side they're on I'm seriously considering going home and letting Battler fend for himself.



[SFX: ahaha.wav]


So. It's the worst game ever, then.



Witch antics.

Nonspecific spoiler: Bernkastel and Lambdadelta are basically married. Witch relationships are super weird. Lambda and Beato leave Bern to strategize. Wait, does that mean we're alone with her? Oh dear. Guess she wants to talk to you again, readers.



Sympathy! Tears! I'll bet. Your eyes don't look as dead as usual maybe!

Well then, I guess Battler's not doing so bad after all.


It's, uh, well, it's true. Beato's greatest weapon is unpredictability. She's not a normal opponent.


Okay. Not giving up. Got it.

...Look. Don't even ask me about Bern's—Lady Bernkastel's past. Or, to speak more accurately, who she “used to” be, if you can consider the element that separates the two entities to be “time.” Dammit, I'm talking like a witch now... look, it's just a whole 'nother story that I don't know all the details about. I've been considering looking into it, but yeah.

Bernkastel leaves.
PPPPPHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEWWWW.
Thank almighty god. Finally we're done talking to fucking witchAAAAAAAAAH

[BGM: Fishy Aroma]
Haha! Hi Lady Lambdadelta! God I just want to go home.

That doesn't... necessarily make any sense...

Yes I agree that was so cheap of her what even the fuck and you were so reasonable to let her do whatever she wanted it wasn't dumb at all.

We're... we're not that shitty...

See? Married. God stop talking while she's talking!

Well, we did get seriously curb-stomped this time. I mean, lemme just say, none of these assholes' theories were even close.

thank you lady lambdadelta



So, she takes a lot of risks... hm...




[SFX: ahaha.wav]
I think this analogy got sidetracked somewhere.



Power levels, got it. Please go away now.

End of Episode 2
